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AnSo, today is the day. It’s finally here, election day 2010.
Really?
Stranger things have happened
And a special message for Queenslanders,
Take it from a Victorian
Don’t fuck this up, Australia.
Posts Tagged Steve Fielding
Shame on all of you who had a laugh at Steve Fielding’s attempt to spell “fiscal”, because he was correct in Indonesia!
Now, stop teasing him.
Last Wednesday night the phone rang. It was Nick Xzennophone, and before I could say anything he shouted, “Spill!”
“I know,” I replied. “There’s Milo everywhere and Susan’s furious with me.”
“No, there’s a spill on for the Labor leadership!” Nick said. “I’ve been making some phone calls and I reckon you’ve got the numbers to have a crack.”
“Really?” I asked.
“Really.”
I was gobsmacked. How far a simple boy from Resevoir had come; from engineer to accountant to Prime Minister of Australia. It was the proudest moment of my life and I was determined not to let the chance slip away.
“What should I do?” I asked Xzennophone.
“Leave the campaigning to me,” he said. “You just worry about the vote tomorrow. Make sure you’re there shaking hands and networking. Wear something striking.”
“Okay,” I said. “Where’s the vote?”
Did you know Senator Steve’s website had a section for community discussion? If you knew about this how could you so selfishly keep this to yourself?
Some of my favorite, unedited, forum posts from just five minuts of skimming:
I am rather amazed that so many “climate co2 believers” are NOT in the slightest aware of exactly what! the Copenhagen documents will entail for us Aussies. Green dreams and daft schemes.
It really is a FRAUD and Deception of the highest order, it makes the Faked data and lies and blocking of real science pale into insignificance in its sheer enormity in the subterfuge used to HIDE the Agenda of the EU..UN B*st*rdry.
for those who are not willing to read it, there is a film clip available via You tube, by Lord Monckton, a 5 part series , Pay attention as he tells what they did to HIDE the real agenda and details..
How long till we’re all required to have our medicare number tattooed on our foreheads?
But my favourite is Maurice:
Senator Feildind
I have been a swinging voter all of my voting life. I have, I suspect like most Australians, grown tired of the waste of tax payers funds and the way the two major parties behave. Whilst I appreciate the fundimentals of the Westminster system and the fantastic democratic society that we live in, I am looking for a genuine change in the people who would lead our nation. Your party appears to be one that has actually left the “primary school yard” and can communicate with the general population on equal terms. Do you have party members in my electorate who I could cast my vote to in the eventual, forthcoming federal election. I too am one who served my nation for 28 years in the ADF and I find myself of late, looking at the current and alternate government and asking myself at times why?
Internet, please don’t ever change.
My, how politics can change in a mere 24 hours. We’ve known for ages that we can’t trust Rudd and now we know we can’t trust Abbott after his dismal performance on the 7.30 Report last night. It looks like they’re each others greatest asset for the campaign.
But me, I’m my own greatest asset for my campaign.
You see, unlike Rudd who you can’t trust whether scripted or unscripted, and Abbott who you can’t trust unless it’s scripted, I can be trusted at all times whether I’m speaking off my cuff or off a script that Susan’s written for me. I speak from the heart and the ability to lie is not even in my DMA. Politics is about representing people and honouring the trust they’ve put in you to represent them, and every single Victorian who voted for me trusts me not to lie.
Unless a lie is necessary and honourable, which sometimes it is. So I’ll lie when it’s necessary.
You see, my father always told me to tell the truth unless by telling a lie you can do a greater good or tell a greater truth. So, for example, when I went on my self-funded trip to the USA to investigate all of the both sides of the climate change story and only really investigated one of the both sides of the climate change story, I told everyone that I had investigated all of the them because it was really important that the results of my investigation were taken seriously. I told a little lie but it was for a greater truth.
And when I backflipped on my support for the alcopops tax I told everyone it was because I had decided it was no longer a good policy, when actually I changed my mind because I wanted everyone to keep paying attention to me. This was a justifiable lie because the greater good was my continued presence in the Australian Parliament to offset the self-interested major Parties.
Even the word “family” in my Party’s title is okay because our members’ religion’s ideals align perfectly with the ideals held true by their families. And an R-word doesn’t alliterate as nicely with “First” as an F-word.
With Steve Fielding, you know that you can always trust what I say as the truth, and even if it’s not the truth it’s a lie that’s better than the truth. With Steve Fielding, you know that you don’t have to check to see if I’m reading a script to know if I’m worth listening to. With Steve Fielding, you know that I always put my cards on the table, show my hands, and bargain in good faith.
And that’s the Gospel Truth.
Until next time.
Groupthink can today exclusively reveal the first advertisement in Steve Fielding’s 2010 election campaign. The VHS video cassette containing this ad was found in a bar wrapped in an iPhone 3G leather case.
When I was a kid I always wanted to be an astronaut when I grew up. I used to sit in my bedroom at night and stare out the window at the stars, wondering what the earth would look like if I were up there in a spaceship looking down. I imagined it to be a beautiful sight, with oceans and mountains and clouds and volcanoes and airplanes criss-crossing the sky between me and the sleeping families down below. I had a lot more trouble imagining what it would look like when the spaceship went around the bottom of the planet — what does the underside of the earth look like, anyway? Would it be just lots of dirt with all the tree roots sticking out? Can you see all the oil that hasn’t been pumped up yet and the bottoms of coffins and stuff?
But my point is that never in my wildest dreams did I think that I would be an accountant when I grew up. Not many people know that I was an accountant before I was in control of the Senate; humble beginnings, I can hear you say, but from little things big things grow. As an accountant I probably have a much more intimate knowledge of economic and taxation matters than most ordinary Australians, and I often have to step in at dinner parties and in meetings with colleagues to pour some hard facts on uniformed speculation. Like this one time, Barnaby suggested that we should just print more money to pay off debt and I gently scolded him, pointing out that the cost of the extra plastic and ink would completely wipe out any benefit gained.
Tough Samaritan* Steve Fielding is still determined to send “boat people” to the “back of the queue”.
Been getting lots of support from ppl in the street in Sale for sending boat people to the back of the queue.
Personally, I’m not sure that seeking asylum by boat is a back-of-the-queueing offence; I think people should be sent to the back of the queue when they take too long to get their money out of their purses, or when they take ages making up their minds what to buy, or when they just want to have a chat to the cashier.
But that’s just me. What in your opinion justifies sending to the back of the queue?
* H/T: Jason
Family First’s Steve Fielding has been banging on for months now about queue jumping boat seekers and sending them to the back of the queue. No actual policies, mind, just ridiculous bullshit about Motel Christmas Island and Apple Mac envy. Of course, the whereabouts of this queue that is being jumped have remained a carefully guarded secret, as has Steve’s solution to the queue jumping problem.
“Every time we accept a refugee into our country by boat, another refugee waiting patiently in a camp somewhere is forced to wait even longer,” [said Fielding]
“There are thousands of refugees patiently waiting in line in camps across the world trying to gain asylum but boat people just push them further down the queue.
“There is no way I think we should be rewarding people for jumping the queue and penalising those who are waiting inline (sic).”
Under Family First’s proposal queue jumpers, genuine refugees or not, would be sent to the back of the queue at various refugee camps around the world.
So, Steve Fielding seems to be seriously proposing that asylum seekers arriving by boat should be sent to refugee camps in “various” places around the world. Seriously. The man is a fucking foreign policy genius.
Hold your heads high, 56,376 Victorian voters.
I hate Senate holidays. There’s nothing to do and there’s no media waiting in groups out the front of the house to do stunts at every day. Not only are Senate holidays boring as anything, I hate the ever-present threat of having to go down to the electorate office and I hate having to look busy to prevent Susan from enacting that threat onto me. One thing I’ve started to do is walk around at all times with a notepad under my arm and pencil behind my ear, squinting my eyes like I’m thinking and murmuring policy under my breath. Susan asked to look in the notepad once but I told her it was secret political business and she wouldn’t understand, for which she made me draw a cross in one of the three warning boxes on the whiteboard in the kitchen. I hate that.
I hate Senate holidays on their own as it is, but I hate them even more when they coincide with school holidays because my kids are home with me. Two days ago my son snuck up quietly behind me while I was looking in the fridge for the devon and shouted out, “BOAT SEEKERS!” I jumped literally out of my skin and did a little bit of wee in my pants. It took my son about four minutes to get the footage out of his mobile phone and onto YouTube, and I was on the phone to Conroy reaffirming my commitment to the web filter that very evening.
