Groupthink

Posts Tagged stadiums

Stories we’ll never ever see #1

May 27

Posted by David in Foreign matter, Media | 1 Comment

Games preparation way ahead of schedule

Australia’s International Games boss Mike Stanley believes Groupthinkland will provide a “most excellent” venue as fears are dimissed by one and all over construction delays for October’s games.

Australian International Games officials and representatives from competing sports are in Groupthinkland this week for further inspections of venues and arrangements in the capital.

Their visit comes as Mike Hooper, chief executive officer of the International Games Federation, told Reuters there was the potential for the stadiums to host local sporting events well before the Games start, such is the brilliant progress of the stadium construction.

The main stadium is ready all but for the hot dogs to be cooked, while the swimming pool is already warm and waiting for swimmers.

“I don’t need to sound alarmist, the reality is Groupthinkland has shat this in,” Hooper said.

Meanwhile the United States Government is satisfied that there is low risk of terrorist attack in Groupthinkland during the Games.

The US State Department is reassuring US citizens residing in or travelling to Grouthinkland that security issues related to the 2010 Football World Cup don’t extend beyond general tourism related issues such as theft or misadventure.

Groupthinkland Prime Minister Scott Bridges is very pleased with the progress of his country’s Games preparation.

He said credit was due to the previous government, which was in power when the Groupthinkland won the right to host the 2010 Games and started construction of facilities in ernest before losing the 2009 general election.

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Little-known acts of parliament – Part I

Oct 28

Posted by David in Media, Politics, Society, Sport | 5 Comments

  • Excise Tariff Amendment Act 1999 (frock up, drink and gamble to prove your patriotism)
    The work of State and Federal Government to promote responsibility and moderation in alcohol consumption and gambling, and to discourage excessive consumer spending will be temporarily suspended in the weeks leading up to and during a major horse racing carnival.
  • Aesthetic String Ensemble Act 1984
    It shall be mandatory for all female string players (violins, violas and cellos) in orchestras and string ensembles be attractive in an academic-but-hot manner. No less than 25 per cent of female string players shall be of Asian or Eurasian appearance.
  • Sporting Stadium Renovations Act 1978
    At least one major sporting arena that hosts Cricket Australia sanctioned international cricket matches during summer, must undertake major construction work during the cricket season to ensure crowd inconvenience, and unsightly images on the television coverage.
  • Foolish Driver Identification Act 1992
    It will be mandatory for all stupid drivers who speed, tailgate and are unable to stick in one lane during the morning and evening peak to wear baseball caps and/or fluorescent work wear to identify themselves to other drivers that they are indeed dim-witted cunts. The mandatory period for such attire shall extend to all times when the said drivers are in charge of the following motor vehicles – VL, VN and VP Holden Commodore, Subaru WRX, Nissan Skyline, Toyota Supra, any form of trade vehicle.
  • Automatic Teller Machine Intentional Delay Act 2001
    To stem the flow of money flowing from Automatic Teller Machines (ATMs) and to give people time to consider whether or not their intended transaction is necessary, a system shall be put in place whereby the person who is at the ATM first shall take an amount of time to complete their transaction that is beyond the possible time needed to conduct a transaction that the ATM is capable of.
  • Coffee Awareness Act 2004
    In an effort to stimulate Australia’s multi-million dollar coffee and café industries, and to increase productivity in the workplace by ensuring employees are alert through caffeine’s mild stimulant properties, all broadsheet newspapers will henceforth be required to publish stories about the location and availability of the best coffee/cafe in their readership area at least once a week.
  • Homosexuals and Hollywood Information Act (Amended) 2005
    Only homosexual males* are allowed to be Hollywood reporters on morning news and chat shows on Australian commercial television. This is to compensate for the lack of opportunities for homosexual males in television sports coverage (excluding diving, figure skating, synchronised swimming and Rugby League).

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