Posts Tagged qantas

A “Sorry” Variation (Sincere Regrets)

Groupthink is proud to announce a brand new set of lyrics with a local and contemporary flavour set to the tune of Tex Williams’ “Some, Smoke, Smoke (That Cigarette)”

“SORRY, SORRY, SORRY (SINCERE REGRETS)”

Now we’re a country with a heart of gold,
Or at least that’s what we’re taught and told,
The kinda place that’s the envy of the world.

 But there’s some things that ain’t too thrillin’
Like “The X Factor” or seam gas drillin’,
That when I hear about, do make my toes fair curl.

We’re very sorry for Pauline Hanson,
She can’t wash a car and she’s shit at dancin’,
She ain’t much superior to anyone.

Sorry for whinin’ and fallin’ to our knees-
Whoops! Here’s a boat from Indonese!
Run for the hills and don’t forget the guns!

(CHORUS)
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sincere regrets,
Sorry for all the things we’ve done, and the things we ain’t done yet.
We’re so sorry it makes us cry,
Sorry that our planes don’t fuckin’ fly,
Sorry for the floods and the levy and the flies and the sharks and the pests.

Alan Jones is sorry for his choice of language,
I wish he were the meat in a gay leper sandwich,
Alan Joyce is sorry he’s brung The Troubles.

We’re sorry ‘bout the price of bananas,
And Coles and Woolies fuckin’ over the farmers,
But I still shop there, ‘cause the other places cost me double! (Sorry)

We’re sorry about Andrew Bolt’s pity,
The sook could be heard from city to city,
But old Andy, he ain’t sorry ‘bout much at all.

“My freedom of speech is under threat!”,
And, “Ordinary folk can’t place a bet!”,
“These Muslims and ni**ers gonna rape and kill us all!”

(CHORUS)
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sincere regrets,
Sorry for all the things we’ve done, and the things we ain’t done yet.
We’re so sorry it makes us cry,
Sorry that our planes don’t fuckin’ fly,
Sorry for the floods and the levy and the flies and the sharks and the pests.

We’re sorry for climate change,
No doubt these scientists are all insane!
You can predict the climate from the entrails of a chicken!

And we’re sorry for Katter and Barnaby Joyce,
Add Angry Anderson and you’re spoilt for choice
For candidates with the brainpower of a kitten!

And we’re bloody sorry for Julia Gillard,
And for Kevin Rudd, whom she doth spill’ed,
Poor dear went off his Iced Vo-Vo’s for a month.

But we’re mortified by Tony Abbott,
In his budgie smugglers with his budgie’s scabbard,
I’m sorry, but I’m about to lose my lunch!

(CHORUS)
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sincere regrets,
Sorry for all the things we’ve done, and the things we ain’t done yet.
We’re so sorry it makes us cry,
Sorry that our planes don’t fuckin’ fly,
Sorry for the floods and the levy and the flies and the sharks and the pests.

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Incorrect use of the word “evacuate” gives me the shits

We saw the misuse of the word evacuation during the Queensland flood crisis, and now it’s being poorly used during Egypt’s political implosion.

Herald Sun:  THE Government will send a specially charted Qantas flight to Cairo to evacuate Aussie (sic) trapped amid the anarchy in Egypt.

The Age:  Government to evacuate Australians in Egypt

ABC News: The Federal Government is sending a plane to evacuate Australians stranded in Egypt as violent protests continue to rock the country.

The Australian: THE Gillard government has organised a Qantas charter flight to evacuate Australians trapped by the political crisis in Egypt.

What the hell am I on about? This scene from Series 5 of The Wire explains it beautifully.

“A building can be evacuated. To evacuate that person is to give that person an enema.”

Which gives this line in The Age story a whole new tragic angle: Prime Minister Julia Gillard says Australians trapped in Egypt can evacuate aboard a government-chartered Qantas flight on Wednesday.

Expect a long wait for the toilets.

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Latest Qantas drama

MAKING A SPLASH: A Sydney Airport aircraft lavatory service worker battles to clear the dangerous blockage that caused the latest in a litany of airborne dramas to plague Australia's embattled national airline. Photo: Mora Cliches

Passengers have spoken of their fear when a blocked toilet on a Qantas 747 meant first class passengers had to share ablutions with some economy passengers.

The fault that sent effluent spilling onto a toilet floor during a Qantas flight to Argentina forced the plane to return to Sydney in the latest of a series of  problems to beset the airline.

Flight QF17, bound for Buenos Aires with 199 passengers, flew out of Sydney at 11.11am yesterday, but was forced to turn back one hour into the flight because of the plumbing fault.

It is the fifth in-flight or pre-flight incident for the airline since an engine exploded during a Sydney-bound flight from Singapore 11 days ago.

Passengers said they first became aware of any problem after an unpleasant odour wafted through the aircraft and cabin crew put an “out of order” sign on the door of the toilet, located near the middle of the aircraft, not far from the wing and potentially deadly Rolls Royce engines.

It was then the captain announced the plane, acquired by the airline in 2003 (two years after the deadly 9-11 attacks in the United States that killed more than 3000 people) was turning back to Sydney, where it was cleared to make a priority landing in heavy rain at 1.22pm.

First class passenger Terence Pratt, a Sydney lawyer, said passengers became concerned when they noticed the economy passengers using the first class toilets.

”We were pretty bloody concerned and they did tell us it would be all OK, but we weren’t sure,” he said. ”They even opened the curtains between first class and economy.

“It really hit home when we landed and the plane was met by aircraft lavatory service trucks with orange lights flashing. It was like something from those old Airport movies. I think I’ll buy a Tatts ticket this week.”

Arrangements were then made to have all passengers on another plane that flew out at 5pm. However, that flight was then delayed by an hour and a half because of runway problems at Sydney Airport. An unnamed aviation expert said it is no coincidence that the runway at Sydney’s Kingsford Smith Airport is used by Qantas aircraft everyday; some of which have been maintained overseas.

”It is certainly frustrating,” said another passenger, Jack Meeoff. He said the first time they were given a reason for turning back was when the captain walked through the aircraft after they had landed to inspect the stricken toilet and complained that his new RM Williams boots were ruined.

A Qantas spokesman said engineers would determine the cause of the incident. He rejected reports the aircraft lost toilet pressure because someone had laid a log the size of a Dachshund.

The matter had also been referred to the Civil Aviation Safety Authority, the Air Transport Safety Bureau and Sydney Water.

Apologies to the SMH.

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