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But all those analysts and commentators are wrong. Plain wrong.

Instead, it’s only the brave economic and social warriors at the Citizens Electoral Council who have successfully cut through the spin and bullshit and have highlighted the real reason behind Rudd’s downfall in their latest press release (not online): a planet-wide mass-strike.

Rudd falls in global mass-strike; who’s next?

One year after Kevin Rudd’s infamous outburst, “I regard Mr LaRouche as right off the planet”, he’s fallen victim to the planet-wide mass-strike that only LaRouche saw coming.

On 30th June, 2009, Rudd had reacted to CEC Queensland Secretary Jan Pukallus asking him why he didn’t heed LaRouche’s advice on the global economic crisis that his government falsely claimed nobody saw coming.

[...]

That outrage was identified by Lyndon LaRouche in his 1st August international webcast, as a global mass-strike. It has sparked an extraordinary wave of mass protest inside the U.S. against Barack Obama’s bailout of Wall Street and his gutting of healthcare, a wave that has claimed many sitting U.S. politicians and threatens to oust Obama himself.

On the unfolding dynamic of the mass-strike, Lyndon LaRouche commented yesterday, “most people do believe in the idea that history is shaped by events. And on the contrary, history shapes events. That’s the way it works, and you see this in the process of the mass-strike … .”

Oh, well. Too late for Rudd. Hopefully Gillard will heed these dire warnings of … well, whatever it is those freaks are warning us of.

“We are absolutely focused and united behind Kevin,”

“Mr Rudd will remain being Prime Minister and leader of the Party, and I hope we will win the next election and he’ll be Prime Minister next term.”

Just like Malcolm Turnbull.

And Brendan Nelson.

And Kim Beazley.

“Kim Beazley has had my consistent support since his return to the leadership in January 2005, there is no change in my position. My support continues for him as leader.

“Like all Labor members I am working hard for the election of a federal Labor government.”

- Kevin Rudd

__________

Let me tell you, weeks like last week don’t come along every week. Calling it extraordinary would be the understatement of the century, as even seasoned political observers would attest. For starters, this nation’s government considered a number of highly important issues and my speeches in the Senate were some of the most passionate, articulate and emotional presentations the Parliament has ever seen. They had everything: shouty voice, soft voice, pauses for effect, graphs as props, and moral appeals to right and wrong. I’m exhausted just thinking about them. One of my speeches was so powerful that I went to do it again for Susan and the staff back in the office but Susan yelled at me to get down off the desk.

Those speeches, on a range of topics, were also highly effective. Sometimes I can’t believe how many words people waste trying to prove a point, like that something is wrong, when that thing is just self-evidently wrong. For instance, men shouldn’t have relations with other men for no more complicated reason than they just shouldn’t; it’s unnatural. Even a twelve-year-old has enough anatomical knowledge to know that if God intended one piece of the jigsaw to connect naturally, without awkward and unnecessary force, to another piece of the jigsaw, he would’ve made the sticky-out bits and the gappy bits match up. It’s not rocket surgery.

But there was obviously one event last week that eclipsed even my speeches for sheer extraordinariness: the coalition leadership explosion. No matter where you sit on the political horseshoe there was no possible reaction to the Liberal meltdown last week other than disbelief and shock. As I write this article Malcolm Turnbull seems to be a dead man walking, and there’s even a chance that by the time you read this article he won’t be leader of the opposition anymore. Momentous times, these are; history in the making.

And I have tried as hard as possible to write myself into that history. After it became clear that Turnbull was being rejected by his own party I sent him an email proposing that he quit the Liberals and join Family First, offering him the incentive of deputy leadership of the Parliamentary Family First party. Malcolm’s wealth and fundraising prowess is well known and Family First could really do with a bit of help in the cash department. I felt quite pleased with myself for having such a good idea and taking the initiative so I excitedly told Susan about it, however she informed me that Turnbull is a follower of the anthropomorphic global warming faith — a faith I simply cannot share. I have very little time and respect for people who throw themselves so fully into something for which there is no actual proof, letting it shape their lives, guide their thinking, and act as their intellectual and moral compass. The global warming faith, as we all now know after the shocking revelations of ClimateGate, revolves around nothing more than some words and symbols of dubious authorship and authenticity masquerading as fact. Kicking myself for defying my scientific training (did you know I’m an engineer?) and letting my impulses run away with me, I called the IT department and asked them to intercept the email before its delivery. It’s lucky I sent it after 5pm.

But then I had a better idea: why not run for the opposition leadership myself? I’m a global warming sceptic, I’ve got lots of leadership experience, and I scrub up pretty good on the telly. I decided not to let Susan in on this one because my name already had two crosses next to it on the whiteboard so I ran it past Nick Xzennophone instead. Nick said it was an awesome idea and I should totally throw my hat in the ring, and even though he wouldn’t be able to say anything publicly I had his complete and total support. He said that Australian democracy had been waiting for a leader like me since Federation in 2001. Buoyed by Xzennophone’s words, I launched myself instantly into campaigning and networking, going from office to office through the House. None of the secretaries would let me through to see their respective MPs or Senators so I just left each of them one of the “Vote 1 Steve Fielding” posters that I made on Xzennophone’s photocopier (Susan deleted my code from the one in our office.) On the back of each poster I wrote a personal message, thanking the recipient in advance for their support and promising them a Big M next time I see them at the cafe.

Looking through the numbers I can obviously rely on Xzennophone’s vote, while the Greens wouldn’t vote for me even if they put down their bongs long enough to vote. Barnaby is a possible while the rest are totally up in the air. That makes two definites, half-a-dozen negatives, one possible, and lots of unknowns (I must remember to go and count the chairs in both the green and the red chambers.) One thing I am definite about, however, is that a lot of people are disinfected by their own parties’ policies and I reckon I stand a decent chance of picking up their support.

So now I wait. The media seems to believe that Joe Hockey and Tony Abbott are the frontrunners, going so far as to give them affections such as “cuddly” and “avuncular” (they’re just euphemisms for “fat”) and “pugilist” (I don’t know what that means but I can be it too), but as usual the overwhelming Leftist bias of Australia’s political journalists means that they refuse to even consider the chances of a humble boy from Resevoir, despite the fact that the boy from Resevoir fought his way into Parliament against the odds. The media has had many good laughs at my expense over the years, but I think there’s a fairly decent chance that come 10am tomorrow morning I’ll be the one having the last laugh.

Until next time.

Imagine you are a husky fellow of simple tastes and modest abilities. Imagine that, until now, you’ve been a long way back in the queue to the throne, but that suddenly the whole line of succession has been catastrophically blown up, leaving you as the heir apparent.

Where would you turn to find a precedent for your frightening situation? Could there perhaps be a work of cinematic art that might provide a way for you to understand your predicament?

Joe Hockey: The King Ralph of Australian politics.

It's time

With the Coalition seriously lagging behind the government in poll after poll, and with constant white-anting of leader Malcolm Turnbull within his own party, it’s a reasonably safe bet that Turbull will never be Prime Minister of this country. Not only will it take a miracle for the coalition to win in 2010, it will take a Herculean effort from Malcy to remain Opposition leader until 2013. So with that in mind, Groupthink has opened a Book and it’s time for you to take a punt: on what date will Malcolm Turnbull lose the leadership of the federal opposition?

Place your bet in the comments of this post, ensuring that you nominate a full date: day, month and year. For bonus points, also nominate the person you think will take over as leader upon Malcolm’s departure. The eventual winner will win something that will be determined at the time of the winning. A mystery prize, if you will.

Have at it!