Dear Mr and Ms Cassidy,

I’m writing to you with regards to your son Barrie. We here at Norbridge High School are increasingly worried about his lack of progress this year. As you are aware, he has had some discipline issues stretching back a few years now, issues that, at our last meeting, we agreed were primarily caused by some of the other children he was spending time with. In particular we felt that, while Barrie knew that many of these students were doing undesirable things, things he wouldn’t have done in the past himself, he was finding it hard to resist peer pressure, especially among such a strong minded bunch of kids. I feel it pertinent to inform you then that the leader of this group, Andrew, was recently expelled from the school, and while in the past we know that Barrie was sneaking out of school to hang out with Andrew when he was suspended, we are hoping, now Andrew will be in class at his new school during the day, that that will no longer be an issue.

The senior staff here at Norbridge High all feel that this should mark a clear opportunity for Barrie to refocus his studies and commitments to what is important at school. In particular for Barrie, we feel that he’s become confused as the point of attending school. Given how much time he likes to spend talking and hanging out with his friends, it would appear he thinks that is the sole reason for attending school, hence his frequent truancy to spend time with his friend Andrew. We feel it’s important to remind Barrie that, while it’s fun to spend time with friends both in class and on the playground, the primary point of school is to learn the knowledge and skills that are needed for life.

To give you some perspective, I draw your attention to some of the extracurricular programs we are running this year. This year the drama company is producing a play written last year by one of the graduating drama students called “Hungry Beast.” It’s a little experimental, including all kinds of video and music elements not traditionally found in plays studied in class, but from what we’ve seen it looks quite clever and entertaining. Similarly, for a number of years now, a boy called Tony has been running a lunch time debating club. We’re quite impressed with his efforts to get students to attend who we wouldn’t have picked as being interested in such a thing, even if the room gets rather rowdy and loud at times.

We like to encourage all students to strongly consider participating in these kinds of activities because, while it’s not currently mandatory for earning a school leaving certificate, these programs do add to the general life and vitality of the school environment, which then leads to better overall performance by the student body across the board. Additionally, we find students that include extracurricular options tend to, individually, be higher achievers in general.

Of course, if Barrie decided that he’s rather just focus on the classroom subjects he has selected that would be quite acceptable. There’s nothing wrong with allowing a student to focus on the necessities and really excel at them. Our primary concern at this stage is that Barrie regains his focus on what is important and is better able to judge if the kinds of friends he’s hanging out with, or if the activities and games he plays in his free time, are really in his best interests.

I look forward to hearing from you again.

Sincerely,
Bill Sullivan
Deputy Principal
Norbridge High School

Annabel Crabb: Can we be realistic about what’s going on here. This is the pointy end of the lobbying process for a piece of legislation that’s waiting, having it’s fate decided in the Senate, right? Everybody involved is bringing out their best material, you know, and whether it’s Peter Garrett flee your homes or whether it’s (motions to Bolt) you know …

Andrew Bolt: You’re right, but I think there’s a wider thing happening here in the psychology of the debate. I think the scaremongering has got to such absurd levels, absurd levels, that a lot of people even if they believe as you do in the theory and all that are sceptical.

AC: I’m not a practitioner in this debate like you are, all I’m saying is …

AB: You don’t believe it? I thought you did …

AC: … well, you’re a lobbyist too …

AB: … let me finish my point please.

AC: … you are!

AB: I’m a sceptic! I am! But the point is there are so many scares around: there’s apocalyptic fires, run for your lives the seas are coming, everything …

Barrie Cassidy: At both extremes of the debate to be fair.

AC: … I mean you post stuff on your blog that’s, you know, a new study from the University of East Bumcrack about, you know, penguins still being alive in …

AB: At least I study it. You don’t. So perhaps you let me finish my point until you know something about it.

But once you’ve done your Bolt-style learning you obviously want to tell the world so that everyone knows you’re smart with knowledge about the climate change con. With that in mind, make sure you go buy a t-shirt from Groupthink Jason’s very, very nice t-shirt shop.

I went on Insiders and all I got was this dumb t-shirt

All proceeds from sales go to Annabel Crabb’s chosen charity: Mallala Hospital in South Australia. Do it.