Posts Tagged Christmas Island

Busting the “asylum seeker” rort

Last weekend I was really bored. The American hip hop video clips with all those bikini women on Video Hits were making me a feel a bit funny so I’d turned the television off, I’d eaten so many tomato sauce sandwiches that I was starting to feel sick, and the linen cupboard suddenly had a child-proof lock on it so I couldn’t make a cubby house. Susan was starting to get really grumpy with me moping about the house and was threatening to call the electorate office to see if there was anything I could do to help out, so I called up Nick Xzennophone to see if he could play. Nick’s wife answered the phone and said he was out, but after I asked her why I could hear Nick in the background whispering that he was out she put him on the phone.

Xzennophone told me that he’d love to play but was too busy researching the asylum seeker issue because it was going to be a big one this year. I asked him what asylum seekers were and after he told me I was overcome with sympathy for the poor sods. But after Nick suggested a coalition with the Greens who hold a similar position to us I instantly decided that I was anti-asylum seekers, or anti-immigration, or anti-whatever it is the Greens are for. The Greens can pass around the friendship bong with whoever they want but I’m going to maintain the intensity of Australia’s borders.

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Fielding: Christmas Island ‘more like motel than detention centre’

FACILITIES at the Christmas Island detention centre are akin to a motel with inmates receiving better treatment than many Australians, Family First Senator Steve Fielding said.

Sen Fielding said he was amazed that detainees were given:

+ A car park near the back door

+ Adjoining rooms near friends if desired

+ Use of a swimming pool

+ Small bars of soap in their en suites

+ Use of a kettle and complementary tea bags, instant coffee, sugar and UHT milk

+ Portable televisions to watch WIN, Prime and ABC 1

+ Free breakfast which they could order on a card and have it delivered on a tray through a little door at the front of their rooms.

“”They even had a choice of not having bacon with their English breakfast,” Mr Fielding said.  “How much does it cost the government not to include Australian bacon because of their non-Christian requirements?”

Refugee advocate Less O’ Dogooder, denied the conditions at Christmas Island were as luxurious as Sen Fielding described.

“The swimming pool is nowhere as big as it looks in the pictures and the busy wallpaper and burnt orange carpet look like something from my nanna’s house,” Ms O’Dogooder said.”.

“And no one told the detainees that a continental breakfast consisted of a stale crossaint and a little variety pack box of Corn Flakes. Continental sounds a lot more impressive than it is, it’s a misleading term - they couldn’t even choose Coco Pops.”

Mr Fielding said that even without the choice of Coco Pops, detainees at Christmas Island received better treatment than many Australians got from the Government.

“There are Australian rapists and murderers doing it a lot tougher in Australian jails than those queue jumpers enjoying holiday camp conditions at Christmas Island.

“Charity should begin at home,” he said.

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