Groupthink

Posts Tagged Barnaby Joyce

A “Sorry” Variation (Sincere Regrets)

Nov 2

Posted by Ross Sharp in Politics, Society | 1 Comment

Groupthink is proud to announce a brand new set of lyrics with a local and contemporary flavour set to the tune of Tex Williams’ “Some, Smoke, Smoke (That Cigarette)” …

“SORRY, SORRY, SORRY (SINCERE REGRETS)”

Now we’re a country with a heart of gold,
Or at least that’s what we’re taught and told,
The kinda place that’s the envy of the world.

 But there’s some things that ain’t too thrillin’
Like “The X Factor” or seam gas drillin’,
That when I hear about, do make my toes fair curl.

We’re very sorry for Pauline Hanson,
She can’t wash a car and she’s shit at dancin’,
She ain’t much superior to anyone.

Sorry for whinin’ and fallin’ to our knees-
Whoops! Here’s a boat from Indonese!
Run for the hills and don’t forget the guns!

(CHORUS)
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sincere regrets,
Sorry for all the things we’ve done, and the things we ain’t done yet.
We’re so sorry it makes us cry,
Sorry that our planes don’t fuckin’ fly,
Sorry for the floods and the levy and the flies and the sharks and the pests.

Alan Jones is sorry for his choice of language,
I wish he were the meat in a gay leper sandwich,
Alan Joyce is sorry he’s brung The Troubles.

We’re sorry ‘bout the price of bananas,
And Coles and Woolies fuckin’ over the farmers,
But I still shop there, ‘cause the other places cost me double! (Sorry)

We’re sorry about Andrew Bolt’s pity,
The sook could be heard from city to city,
But old Andy, he ain’t sorry ‘bout much at all.

“My freedom of speech is under threat!”,
And, “Ordinary folk can’t place a bet!”,
“These Muslims and ni**ers gonna rape and kill us all!”

(CHORUS)
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sincere regrets,
Sorry for all the things we’ve done, and the things we ain’t done yet.
We’re so sorry it makes us cry,
Sorry that our planes don’t fuckin’ fly,
Sorry for the floods and the levy and the flies and the sharks and the pests.

We’re sorry for climate change,
No doubt these scientists are all insane!
You can predict the climate from the entrails of a chicken!

And we’re sorry for Katter and Barnaby Joyce,
Add Angry Anderson and you’re spoilt for choice
For candidates with the brainpower of a kitten!

And we’re bloody sorry for Julia Gillard,
And for Kevin Rudd, whom she doth spill’ed,
Poor dear went off his Iced Vo-Vo’s for a month.

But we’re mortified by Tony Abbott,
In his budgie smugglers with his budgie’s scabbard,
I’m sorry, but I’m about to lose my lunch!

(CHORUS)
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sincere regrets,
Sorry for all the things we’ve done, and the things we ain’t done yet.
We’re so sorry it makes us cry,
Sorry that our planes don’t fuckin’ fly,
Sorry for the floods and the levy and the flies and the sharks and the pests.

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Caption competition: Barnaby edition

Mar 24

Posted by Scott Bridges in Caption comps | 28 Comments

Best caption wins a year’s supply of carbon.

Barnaby at the carbon tax rally

Have at it!

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Liberals defend Tony Abbott

May 19

Posted by David in Politics | 6 Comments

Tony Abbott’s implosion on the 7.30 Report saw several members of the Opposition jump to explain that what he said was not an admission that he lies, but actually an admission that he’s a fair dinkum honest chap. The fact he was being honest about lying was lost on a few of them.

Sadly for Mr Abbott, some of the explanations have been more detrimental than his stumbling effort at the hands of Kerry O’Brien. For example this head-fuck quote by Barnaby Joyce: ”What someone might say to their lover in the heat of passion is entirely different, or should be entirely different, to what you say to the lady checking out your groceries at the supermarket.”

Instead of asking “what the fuck are you on about you purple-faced northern hick” Groupthink decided to ask other members of the Coalition what they made of their leader’s comments.

Wilson Tuckey: “It’s like how a boong will say one thing to get his hands on a flagon. It doesn’t mean it’s what he means to say. The important thing though is getting the flagon.”

Joe Hockey: “Oh look, you know, Tony is like the pedophile uncle who’ll tell you it’s our little secret, but then go tell everyone anyway. Unlike Rudd at least what he says, whether it’s true or not, has substance. Lies are better than a big new tax on everything”.

Christopher Pyne: “In Tony’s defence it’s like when someone is gay but has to say he is straight because he is worried of the repercussions.”

Julie Bishop: “As deputy leader I’ll support everything Tony says whether he means it or not.”

Senator Eric Abetz: “TELL ME WHAT IS WRONG WITH WHAT HE SAID. I SAID TELL ME! ANSWER MY REQUEST! ”

Ian McFarlane: (inaudible)

Sophie Mirabella: “Kerry O’Brien should be sacked for his left-wing bias … are you going to eat the rest of that pastie?”

Senator Bill Heffernan: “Boo! Woof, woof … piss off ya nancy bastard. Blah”

Malcolm Turnbull: “He’s a lying, scheming cunt.”

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A lot can happen in two months

Feb 15

Posted by Scott Bridges in Politics | 11 Comments

I’ve been out of the country for about eight weeks and arrived back home a couple of days ago. Watching the television on Saturday night I was shocked to see footage on the news of Tony Abbott driving a tank in a chambre shirt and then doing a press conference in his serious voice. He even said the words, “When we’re in government, if the people choose us later in the year …”

I seem to remember that he became opposition leader just before I left but I thought it might’ve been a massive practical joke. Apparently not. I also seem to recall that Barnaby Joyce was appointed Shadow Finance Minister. Tell me it’s not true, Groupthinkers. What else did I miss?

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Steve’s psephological ponderings

Feb 10

Posted by @FakeFielding in Politics | 3 Comments

So, the holidays are over and Parliament is back, and it took no time at all for the crushing boringness of the House’s routine to extinguish any interest the nation’s journalists might have had in my stunning expose of Motel Christmas Island. I tell you, this democraticy of ours is sick when someone like me can put so much work into independently and thoroughly investigating matters of national importance and then have so much trouble cutting through to his public through the media. Sometimes I really wonder what my purpose is in this place, attempting to work with such a confusing and frustrating system that is seemingly imperfluous to rationality and logic. And after the events of the past week my confusion and frustration have only grown more larger.

It all began last Tuesday morning. I was sitting in my Parliament House office putting the cardboard letters into the clear plastic sleeves on my new red pencil case when Susan suddenly burst in and convened an office meeting. I’d been trying to call her mobile phone for an hour and had left four voice messages asking for help to find an ‘S’, a ‘T’, an ‘E’, and a ‘V’, and was just about to leave another asking if I could use a sideways ‘M’ instead of another ‘E’. Susan told me to put it away and got everyone to gather around the main desk.

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