Traditional Family Values is bought to you this year by your favourite Traditional Family Values Political Representative, of which we currently appear to have a thumping surfeit.

Traditional Family Values will feature Robert Young and Fred MacMurray, with our very special guest star Jimmy Stewart as Traditional Family Grandpa.

The soundtrack to Traditional Family Values swings gently to the lite’n’easy sing-along stylings of Mitch Miller and his Orchestra, and is sponsored by Ballantine Beer, Pepsodent and snow-fresh filtered Kool, isn’t it time you switched to snow-fresh filtered Kool today?

Traditional Family Values will be presented to you tonight in glorious 16 inch traditional monochrome, guaranteed to highlight the whitest of whites and keep the blacks in the shadows where they traditionally belong.

Traditional Family Values will take place in a Traditional Family Home which has a Traditional Family Backyard and a Traditional Family Fence.

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