All iPhones appear to log your location to a file called “consolidated.db.” This contains latitude-longitude coordinates along with a timestamp. The coordinates aren’t always exact, but they are pretty detailed. There can be tens of thousands of data points in this file, and it appears the collection started with iOS 4, so there’s typically around a year’s worth of information at this point.

Your iPhone has been collecting your location data and Apple won’t tell you why.

And I thought Google was going to be Skynet

Apple defenders will probably ask what the big deal is, but your phone has been collecting your location without telling you, into a file you can’t control for a reason Apple won’t tell you. That is kinda a big deal.

Well worth watching the video of the geeks who discovered it.

Ever since this cryptic message landed on the Apple site yesterday, Apple fanboys and tech enthusiasts have been going wild speculating about what this huge announcement could be. What could be so awesome that Apple hijacked its own website for a day?

Well, last night it was all revealed:

Eh...

How exciting. You can now download all of the Beatles albums straight from the iTunes store. How convenient? And without all those costs of shipping, handling and distribution, it will be at a totally reasonable price… right?

Wrong.

$35.99!?

Are they kidding… Why should I pay $35.99 for lower quality audio, no packaging, no liner notes and no album sleeve?

Especially when at JB Hi-Fi online:

with free shipping

Free shipping and a poster! And a real, hold in my hand CD with pictures and notes and a box I can put on my shelf. Shipped to the warehouse, then shipped to my door for cheaper than the digital version.

And this is why the music industry is dying. Music was always overpriced, but now they are running out of excuses to rip us off. Even from a business perspective, it doesn’t make sense.

After the initial cost of producing the content, distribution of the album is basically free in the digital world. So if you sell 1 copy or 100 copies, it costs you no more or less to produce it. So if you sell one copy at $20 or 10 copies at $2 you end up in exactly the same position. In fact, if they offered cheap and easy downloads my guess is that they would actually make more money.

Amazon seemed to figure this out years ago, offering digital downloads starting from 99 cents. The high margin, low sale model the record labels are clinging to is going to kill them. Embrace low margin and high turnover, in the digital world it just makes sense.

ELSEWHERE: someone done made a funny flowchart.

I rarely read them, I don’t care enough.

I would regularly joke with my friends that a thousand software manufactures could own my soul by now and I’d have no idea.

We all thought it was hilarious.

Yeah, well… They do.

A COMPUTER game retailer has revealed that it legally owns the souls of thousands of online shoppers, thanks to a clause in the terms and conditions they agreed to.

See, apparently this computer game retailer, GameStation, had the initiative to install what they called an “immortal soul clause” in their contract.

“By placing an order via this Web site on the first day of the fourth month of the year 2010 Anno Domini, you agree to grant Us a non transferable option to claim, for now and for ever more, your immortal soul. Should We wish to exercise this option, you agree to surrender your immortal soul, and any claim you may have on it, within 5 (five) working days of receiving written notification from gamesation.co.uk (sic) or one of its duly authorised minions.”

It allowed them to claim your soul at any time the desired, they even reserved the right “to serve such notice in 6 (six) foot high letters of fire”.

I, for one, welcome the precedent set by this new form of legal contract and am excited by the possibilities it has opened. I look forward to other inovative organizations adopting the initiative in their binding contracts.

I have made my online life easier by giving Google control of everything, imagine how streamlined my life could be if I just gave them control over my soul too (but you know, it’s only a technicality, it’s not like they’d never *do* anything with it, right?).

We all know Apple already owns every pathetic Mac-fan-boy-who-lined-up-for-an-iPad-for-days-and-wants-Steve-Jobs-for-his-body’s soul, so why not make it official in a binding contract? In exchange for their soul they could get Apple bumper stickers.

This is just the beginning of course, the potential is limitless. TV networks, newspapers (perhaps Rupert would accept payment of eternal souls to populate his city of the damned in lieu of cash to get past his paywall. It would certainly save him some hassle when it comes to finding breakfast), political parties and NGOs. This is the dawn of an exciting new day in End User License Agreements.

It seems Kohler already bought a Tablet (like an HP or something, whatever “the iPad looks like just another tablet computer”) and hated it… and having filled his home with iMacs and Macbooks, he really hoped for something extra special. But the iPad, from what he has seen, fails to live up to his high-technicolour dreams.

Worse still, Kohler is pretty sure that the iPad is not going to save newspapers. I know that’s what we all hoped for, in fact, for as long as I can remember Steve Jobs has always said that more than anything else, he wanted to ensure the ongoing stability and prosperity of global media enterprises.

So the ‘Tablet’ (which he insists on continuing to call it post-keynote) must indeed be a bitter pill for Alan Kohler to swallow. But if this article with it’s infantile, “I hate the way the world is heading, where’s my mummy?” tone makes you want to stab something… lock up your kitchen ware because that other giant of Australian business journalism, Michael Pascoe wrote an absolute doosey last week.

Pascoe thinks Apple is “an IT gadget company” with the temerity to (I know, this is incredible) over charge innocent Aussie consumers.

As far as reality denial goes, this is an extra special article. I’m sure you have heard of Melody Gardot? I hadn’t but I live in the suburban equivalent of an iron lung so to me any cultural reference point is like mainlining speed. Anyway, Ms Gardot has a massive is on the cusp of a massive singing career which is being totally hampered by Apple iTunes Australia’s barbaric pricing structure. I know, it’s shocking. Read it and embrace the rage.

But seriously, this would be valid were it not for the teensy-wincey fact that Australian’s are used to being rogered by music publishers, book publishers and all sorts of other protected entities. The other fact that our elder statesmen of Australian journalism can dabble a bit in the world of tech-journo and appear so out of touch, makes me disappointed that the death of media isn’t all that deadly.

Xzennophone told me that he’d love to play but was too busy researching the asylum seeker issue because it was going to be a big one this year. I asked him what asylum seekers were and after he told me I was overcome with sympathy for the poor sods. But after Nick suggested a coalition with the Greens who hold a similar position to us I instantly decided that I was anti-asylum seekers, or anti-immigration, or anti-whatever it is the Greens are for. The Greens can pass around the friendship bong with whoever they want but I’m going to maintain the intensity of Australia’s borders.

With my thinking on the matter clear I decided that I too would do some research on the issue, but better research than reading reports, statistics and other one-sided information like Xzennophone was. The only way to see all of the both sides of the story is to go to the source of the story and see it for yourself, so I asked Nick where these “asylum seekers” (I do the inverted commas thing around my head every time I say it now) come from, and he told me it was places like Sri Lanka and the Middle East. I then went to talk to Susan and said that my zone one and two Metcard would definitely be okay for the Middle East given that we live in the middle of the eastern suburbs, but is Sri Lanka outside the city and would I need a V-line ticket? Susan suggested instead that I go to Christmas Island which is where the “asylum seekers” go to be processed after arriving in Australia.

Because I’m a doing kind of guy instead of a talking kind of guy, within 24 hours I had booked my flight, packed my warmest clothes to ward off the North Pole chill, and had instructed my office to send out a media release. Two days later I had landed at Christmas Island and, arriving at the detention centre, I introduced myself to the boss who looked me up and down and asked who I really was. I told him that I was really Senator Steve Fielding, accountant and engineer, and my office had been in touch. He humbly apologised and said he expected a politician to be wearing something a little more official than a woollen jumper, tracksuit pants, and ugg boots.

I was then taken on a tour of the facility and what I saw shocked me. There are rooms with beds, clean sheets and fluffy towels; there are relaxation areas with chairs, tables and televisions; and there are books, newspapers and board games. I mean, Australia is supposed to be an igali eggaly egalar equal country but I’m not allowed to have a bunk bed or unlimited TV hours at home so why should a bunch of queue jumpers who aren’t even Australians have them? At the end of the tour I had lunch with the “asylum seekers” in the dining hall (nice metal cutlery and ceramic crockery, I might add) and when I saw that they are allowed to put their own salt and pepper on their food I was furious; when I called Susan to ask permission she told the boss to put only a small pinch of each on my mashed potato.

In the evening I went back to the recreation room to talk to some of the “asylum seekers”. One of them told me he had spent over $8,000 on getting to Australia! That’s more money than I have in my Commonwealth Bank Dollarmite account! When I asked him how many Sri Lankan dollars that was he said they don’t use dollars. I asked him if they used stones or cows or something instead and he just glared at me and walked away. I tell you what, if these people can afford $8,000 for a boat cruise I can’t see how they could have it so bad at home.

But the absolute icing on the cake of this “asylum seeker” and detention centre rort was sitting in the corner of the recreation hall: a brand new Apple Mac computer. I’ve been asking Susan for ages if I can have an Apple Mac and she keeps refusing, saying that our two-year-old PC can do everything that we want to do perfectly well and it’s just a waste of money. I tried sulking but that didn’t work, with Susan angrily pointing out that there is no way her family is going to spend $2,000 on a new Minesweeper machine for me just because I don’t like the colour of the one I’ve got, and that $2,000 could be spent on much more important things like food for the kids or textbooks for their schooling. I interrupted her and pointed out that Macs don’t even have Minesweeper and Susan sarcastically asked me what on earth I’d do with a Mac then given that it took me 18 months just to learn how to play that.

Sitting there watching these non-Australians with access to an Apple Mac made me burn up inside with jealousy and a fierce determination to bring to an end the government’s unfair Macs for Boat People program. After a while I went up to the machine and asked the “asylum seeker” sitting nearest it if I could have a turn. After he helped me turn it on, and showed me how to hold the mouse, and showed me how to open a program, I jumped on Twitter to reveal this injustice to the world. The boat person asked what Twitter did but I told him he wouldn’t understand. The boat person then opened up some program called “Microsoft Word” and I asked what it did but he told me I wouldn’t understand.

So, I’m back in Australia now, Parliament is back this week, and I am going to make sure that fairness and justice will be brought to bear on “asylum seekers” and their rorting of the Australian taxpayer for extraordinary luxuries as rewards for their criminal queue jumping. Apple Macs and televisions belong in airport passenger lounges, not detention centres, and airports are where real asylum seekers should arrive. And as part of my research here I called up Flight Centre and asked how much a ticket from Sri Lanka to Sydney costs and I can confidently report that it’s much less than $8,000. This case is closed.

Until next time.

“Good morning Damien!” intoned his Google™ brand coffee machine.

“Latte!” he barked, for he cared not for the feelings of this emotionless consumer item. The machine whirred into action.

“Emails!” he shouted.

“You have (4) new emails!” buzzed the coffee machine. Damien switched on the monitor of his Google™ computer and logged into his GMail account. Three emails were from supermodels desperate to make use of his enormous genitals. He groaned and marked them as “spam”. The fourth email was far more interesting – would be interested in a Google™ credit card?

Why, indeed he would.

Twenty minutes later new credit card arrived, courtesy of Google™ post. How thoughtful of Prime Minister Tuckey to remove the stranglehold of Australia Post he ruminated. With interest of 6.5% for the first year (453% interest p.a thereafter), this deal was unbeatable. The cavalcade of thoughts were interrupted by the ringing of his Google™ Phone.

“Damien!” Alicia shrilled into the earpiece “Have you taken your Google™ Viagra yet?”

“Curse you woman, for you are insatiable” he boomed into the receiver “I only just woke up.”

Damien didn’t even wait for a response before slamming his Google™ Phone down. He sighed, before slipping into his Google™ dressing gown and settling down to work. Since signing up for the online Google™ Drive, Damien had no reason to go to the office anymore. Allowing Google™ to sift through the contents of his hard-drive in order to target his advertising more effectively was a small price to pay for avoiding a fifteen minute commute in his chauffeured Google™ Car. Sipping on his Google™ latte he pondered on the existence of the Googleverse™ (formerly “Universe”) and everything that it contained, before springing to his feet with barely controlled glee.

“I can’t believe I just worked out the meaning of life!” he shouted. This was it. Now he would finally be featured in the Sunday Life lift-out – the culmination of a life well spent.

A knock on the door interrupted his jig. Damien answered it, only to find two Google™ Law Enforcement Agents – a most unwelcome surprise. His brow furrowed in annoyance.

“How may I help you officer?” he asked, an air of indifference masking his inner frustration.

“We were legally sifting through the contents of your Google™ Drive when we came across some…. forbidden material.” The agent elongated the last words more than Damien felt was necessary. “As a consequence we’d like to have a brief friendly chat down at the Google™ Re-Education Centre.”

Damien gulped.

“I’m afraid I’m busy” he said, his meek voice belying his muscular frame and hulking presence. Damien turned just as the agent cleared his throat.

“Perhaps you misunderstood” was all that was said before Damien was promptly tasered in the rear.

When he came to he was strapped to the outside of a Google™ Rocket aimed directly at the Sun.

“You’ll never get away with this!” he roared to no-one “One day people will learn of the folly of putting all their trust behind a search engine! Who could have foreseen Google going mad with power and taking over the planet? WHO?”

“Launch sequence initiated, in 5, 4, 3, 2….”

“THE PEOPLE WILL NEVER STAND FOR THIS!” he shouted above the roar of rocket engines. This seemed an expensive way to dispose of an Enemy Of The State.

As the rocket launched Damien squeezed his eyes shut, and in the last moments before plunging into the nuclear furnace he fervently wished he’d voted for Apple instead. At least he might have gotten an iPhone.