Archive for category Society

Residual gamble lose

I’m getting a little fed up with how, when a government, a politician or political party announce some policy initiative, something that may actually be worthwhile doing, the announcement seems to be inevitably reported as “outraging some powerful lobby industry” or other, and being a thing that will tip society over the teetering edge of civilisation as we know it.

Yet the abyss beckons according to Clubs Australia executive director Anthony Ball

… said the undertaking to implement a mandatory pre-commitment system for all poker machines across Australia as well as to limit ATM cash withdrawals to just $250 a day were completely untested.

He said the measures would close rural clubs, cost jobs, inconvenience recreational gamblers and club users, and do nothing to alleviate problem gambling.

“Julia Gillard wrote to Clubs Australia and committed herself to consultation in developing gambling policy.

“That commitment has been broken. We won’t just take that sitting down.”

Oh, really? Well, la-di-da.

Does Ball truly think anyone’s going to swallow that scenario?

Does he really think that he’s going to be able to persuade the remaining three independents, all of whom have strong, personal connections to their country electorates and have very probably heard the experiences of problem gamblers firsthand, that “inconveniencing recreational gamblers” to ATM withdrawals of $250 a day at their local club or pub will signal the beginning of the end of the industry or the devastation of their local communities?

I would suggest people who are gambling two hundred fifty bucks a day are not quite in the category of “recreational gamblers”, would you think?

And if they can’t get more cash from the ATM at their pub or club, they’re probably just going to wander off down the street to the one at the fucking bank on the corner.

I have no moral objections to poker machines, or judgements to cast on those who play them. I’ve played the things, though not to any significant extent I must admit, and certainly for no significant amount of money, a few coins now and then, or a five buck note if I’m feeling audacious. I find them almost unbearably tedious after about five minutes, as there’s nothing one is required to do beyond pressing a button and watching some fucking wheels spin round until you get heartily congratulated for winning a “top result” of fifty fucking cents, and I would drop to my knees invoking the one billion names of God in thanks if my local pub would just put a couple P!I!N!B!A!L!L! M!A!C!H!I!N!E!S in the damn room to liven it up some.

But Ball may as well eat his own arse with a one-tined fork from a circus trapeze if he thinks his industry’s lobbying efforts are going to cut it the same type of sweet ‘n’ easy deals with these independents that it gets from the major party players.

For we have heard these “major party players” for years now, gibber on about the need to address “problem gambling”, to address the yadda, yadda, yadda of this and the yadda, yadda, yadda of that, and invariably all they manage to come up with is just another fucking sticker on a fucking machine, or just another fucking poster on a wall divider, or just another fucking “helpline”, or just another fucking website, or some fucking conference, and all of it, every word spoke, every word written, is little more than lip-service paid to the ether from soft-bellied, mouth-breathing arseclowns grown fat on the proceeds of human misery who think the “collateral damage” done by gambling is but an inconvenience akin to a fart in a confessional compared to the great, greasy fistfuls of shiny, shiny coin to be had …

… All the better to use for the announcement of yet another brand new rail-link or some other such fantastic imagining, I suppose …

No, I very much doubt these independents are going to be swayed by a “lobby group” like Clubs Australia to their cause, as the cause simply amounts to, “We demand the right to exploit human frailties and weaknesses to the fullest extent we can in return for a buck.”, and I don’t think those being lobbied share much in common with the likes of Joe Tripodi or Eddie Obeid or any of the other reptilian party hacks from the dank backrooms of Sussex Street, do you think?.

The independents are the lobby group now, and the lobby group that matters it would seem, the lobby group that gets to call all the shots it damn well likes, and if one of the shots they’re calling is for measures to be taken to regulate poker machine gambling in such a way that it may help reduce some of the problems caused, I think it’s a shot long overdue to be fired.

And if they manage to get that up and running, then all power to ‘em.

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Welcome to the monkey house

This morning, this country lost its shit. And the culprit?

Benevolent Overlord Jobs and the iPhone 4

Benevolent Overlord Jobs and the iPhone 4

People stood in line, in the cold, to make sure they were the first to fork over their money for this consumer electronic that frankly, isn’t that impressive. People were franticly running around cities to find the only outlet with stock. People were cancelling contracts and changing networks because their network had sold out of the iPhone 4. People were ultimately paying potentially thousands of dollars to get their grubby little (and probably over worked from masturbating) hands on an iPhone 4 the day it was released (as if no more stock will come and their life will be over if they can not have one).

Most of these people had perfectly good old model iPhones. Most of those people were only half way through their contracts and needed to cancel and pay out to upgrade. Or they will now just pay two phone bills.

These people will likely vote.

I think Futurama pretty much nailed it.

But anyway, in case you were wondering if you should buy an iPhone 4 on the day of its release or if you were considering buying one soon, I made a flowchart that should make your decision easier.

Should I buy an iPhone 4

You’re welcome.

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Seriously…

This is what our press gallery is doing:

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Seeking comment from Paris Hilton! Paris. Fucking. Hilton.

Are they for realz!!1!?

They are asking Paris Hilton for comment on this? Really? Fo’ Shiz?

Joe Hockey is to humour as lime is to beer. It has no place there!

I assume his weight is now fair game though, which is good news for most of the internet.

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Invalid lifestyle. Please try again.

“Unto the woman he said, I will greatly multiply thy sorrow and thy conception; in sorrow thou shalt bring forth children; and thy desire shall be to thy husband, and he shall rule over thee.” Genesis 3:16

Happy families indeed.

Good old-fashioned family values …

A buck seventy five from Woolworths, two for three if you’ve got room enough in the freezer …

Greg Donnelly, Government Whip in the NSW parliament, has decided to rattle his chain over the issue of gay adoption in “The Punch”, coming out (so to speak) firmly against the concept by declaring

“There can be no doubt about how the complementary nature of both motherhood and fatherhood benefits the wellbeing of children. Indeed, up until recent time, and I literally mean the last few years, this perspective about parenting has been taken as a given. Society has accepted the proposition that it is good for a child to be raised by a mother and father in a permanent, preferably married relationship.”

Garbage.

Donnelly’s assumption appears to be based firmly on the notion, the illusion, that one’s personality, one’s fitness to be a decent human being, a parent or guardian, rests solely on how one chooses to entertain one’s genitals.

For in Donnelly’s world, it seems it’s where you stick it or lick it that counts for everything.

Which says far more about Donnelly’s emotional infantilism and sexual immaturity than it does about gay men or women or their ability to provide a loving and nurturing environment in which to raise a child, something that is most definitely not the sole province of all those nice mums and dads in “permanent, preferably married relationship(s)”.

I suspect if you were to scratch a little deeper at Donnelly’s shallow psyche, you’d uncover just another garden variety bigoted bonehead given to pursing his lips and tut-tutting over shameless displays of G!A!Y! abandon at the Sydney Mardi Gras each year, just another stitched-up old fart consumed by all manner of conspiracy theories to do with the so-called “Gay Agenda”.

It’s eugenics, Greg, but not as we know it. This time, it’s all about the right way to root, and rooting out the fuckers who are getting their rooting all arse up.

And it is all about the sex to Donnelly and others of his kind, let’s make no bones about that.

For to labour under the illusion that gay men and women are incapable of committing to a relationship with a partner for any length of time, of committing to anything other than random acts of lubed-up, sweaty fisting in a public toilet in the dark, dead hours of the night is as ludicrous an assumption as is believing a heterosexual marriage magically bestows upon its participants some saintly status of domestic bliss and harmony, instantly gifting them the ability to be quality parents, which a quick scan of headlines from any newspaper from any city in any country of the world on any day will dismiss as a towering pile of sheer, steaming bullshit of the first order every time.

Ah, the perfection and heavenly bliss of all these blessed heterosexual unions, how it gleams in the pure and golden glow of those sunbeams from Jesus up on high. Love and fidelity and grey flannel suits and lace doilies and dinner on the table for the man of the house at 6pm sharp every night after a hard day’s work …

… And a little later on, the wife’s in bed with The Good Book, the kids are asleep, and dad’s catching up on a little work in the home office, his pants around his ankles as he pulls himself to a brand new heart attack over the latest selection of cumshots of barely legal teens taking it in all three holes …

Hell, I see no reason why gay couples shouldn’t be allowed to fuck up a child in the same way a husband and wife can and have always managed to do, and have been doing since time began.

Though given the constant, nit-picking, nagging scrutiny they’d be subjected to by the holier-than-thou, self-obsessed, self-righteous, pseudo-puritanical little ponces of Donnelly’s stripe, I suspect many same-sex couples would go to great pains to avoid the type of parenting that sees the children of so many straight marriages wind up in DOCS and shuffled from one foster parent to the next like draughts on a tattered paper chessboard.

One day, the likes of Donnelly will simply disappear by natural attrition, they’ll just pop their clogs and drop like the dinosaurs, and, generations from now, we will look back at their statements, mouths agape, minds in a boggle, and come to regard such people with the same type of astonishment we feel today toward the Salem witch-hunts.

That day cannot come too soon.

But I doubt I’ll be around to ever see it.

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Ban the…

MPs in France have voted to ban the burka:

The lower house of the French parliament has voted to ban the Islamic face veil in public spaces.

The law won overwhelming support in the National Assembly’s lower house and is expected to have similarly easy passage through the Senate in September.

Crime

Crime

Meanwhile:

Legal

Legal

Legal

Legal

Legal

Legal

The world really needs to get its priorities in order.

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Dumb, vain and confused

Sometimes I wonder if The Age is even bothering to hire journalists anymore.

Screen shot 2010-07-11 at 10.04.01 PM

It is hard to believe, isn’t it? Not that teenage boys are dumb, vain and confused. That is obviously a fact. (and they smell bad too). What is hard to believe is that The Age has published Alexandra Adornetto’s gushing 809 word-vomit about how Edward Cullen is better than the real boys.

For a start, Edward (unlike your typical pubescent male) is not a commitment-phobe. His devotion to Bella is impressive. He opens car doors for her, is always attentive to her needs and does not presume to take her out without first meeting her father.

Edward is a classic gentleman and a SNAG rolled into one. And he has no difficulty articulating his emotions. What’s more, Edward is never confused about his role – he is comfortable as protector and provider. He is impeccably groomed and never has to be lectured about hygiene. He exercises superhuman control in keeping his relationship with Bella chaste, though he does fly into uncontrollable rages whenever Bella’s safety is compromised. But then, some of us girls happen to like that.

I haven’t read Twilight, I don’t intend to read Twilight. I have not seen the movies, I will not see the movies.

But I can safely say that Edward Cullen is a douche. And not just a regular douche, but an undead, possessive, bloodsucking douche.

Edward Cullen is a charming gentleman in the same way Mel Gibson is a charming gentleman.

He is the kind of guy that would descend into a PSYCHOPATHIC JEALOUS RAGE over pretty much everything is NOT A FUCKING CLASSIC GENTLEMAN! He is an abusive, obsessive and controlling boyfriend with an ego roughly as large as the hole in The Age’s journalistic credibility.

Alexandra is as scathing of Teenage boys as she adoring of that sparkling douche-bag:

Apart from a small minority, teenage boys fall into three distinct categories: macho, metro or just plain muddled. The first type is the beer-swilling Neanderthal who is more concerned about how he is perceived by his mates than winning a girl’s affection. These boys think passing wind counts as humour and everything they say is punctuated with some sexual innuendo.

The second type is metro man, whose preoccupation with image is often more important than spending time with a girlfriend. These lads own skinny jeans and hair-straighteners and spend a lot of time shopping for accessories to complement their ”indie” outfits. Metro man is too aware of his effect on women and usually uses it to his advantage. Scratch the surface and you won’t find much substance.

The third type is generally decent, but gives out such conflicting messages that you need telepathic skills to work out what they’re about.

I don’t even know where to begin. I honestly don’t. What the fuck is wrong with her? Was she dropped on her head repeatedly as a child? Then later as a toddler? The struck from behind with a large, blunt heavy object object? Because if brain damage was an article it would be this one.

Miss Adornetto, you are dumb, vain and confused.

I’m just gonna write off your simplistic, ignorant and misguided understanding of teenage boys as a result of your obvious lack of contact with human males. That, and your brain damage.

I am no female. I am just a smelly, confused and vain teenage boy. But if I were a girl, I think I would take the sincerity, social awkwardness and good humour of a teenage boy over a narcissistic, blood sucking, sparkling, poofter creep like Edward Cullen.

I stand in solidarity with teenage boys everywhere. Because I think that the confused teenage boy has too much to put up with already without Alexandra Adornetto’s stupid bullshit.

Addendum: Upon completion of this post I threw Alexandra’s name into Google. It turns out she is a 17 year old girl who has written 4 more published books than I ever will. Upon learning of her age, I removed (some of) the nasty name calling. With the knowledge of her age it is clear she is just a dumb, confused and vain teenage girl who is much more misguided than she is stupid. References to her brain damage may have gone too far, but remain for rhetorical effect. But just because she is young and misguided, does not make her article any less jaw-droppingly stupid and The Age and less crap for publishing it.

18 Comments

Choose your own adventure: tax edition

Taking into account the Gillard government’s current policy of negotiating your own tax burden, I would like to take this time to outline my current position. I will be taking this directly to the PM just as soon as her office starts returning my calls.

I would like to propose that I pay no tax.

None.

I feel I contribute much to society already through the operation of the free market and that by taxing me the government is interfering in my free market operation.

Taxes are restricting my spending on CDs, alcohol and clothing. Hurting many great Australian businesses. If I continue being taxed I may have to scale back my investment, a move that will lead to much suffering for the hardworking people of Cooper’s Brewery. I think I personally have been responsible for at least 2 jobs there.

Now, I understand that if I don’t pay taxes it will lead to a shortfall in the federal budget. But don’t worry, I am way ahead of you. I have bought with me a number of proposals that I think you will find will suitably fill the hold left in the budget by me not paying taxes.

I have long been of the opinion that Nickelback CDs are grossly under taxed in this country. There would be quite a revenue boost if the government decided to hike the taxes on shitty Microsoft and Adobe software. A levy on Southern Cross decals and tats?

Or, how about a rise in the tax rate on the big miners? I hear they are making quite a lot of money.

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I see gay people!

Gay Marriage?

Julia says no.

And the case against is so eloquently and articulately stated in this comment on Senthorun Raj’s pro gay marriage column in today’s Sydney Morning Herald (my bolding and caps on a few notable key words) …

why would the gay rights lobby instantly expect instant major ammendments to marriage laws? just because there is a new BUM on a seat who refuses to get married? the institution of marriage is one of the oldest traditions in the world and just because certain countries have decided to alter their views on it does that immediately make them progressive,why? because they allow for same SEX unions?. as far as drawing parrallels between racial segregation and gays not being able to marry is somewhat over reactionary last time i looked i saw no signs reading hetero only,besides,a lot of same sex relationships are not based on the same principles as are those between opposite sexes,gay people fall in and out of love at the drop of a hat,their relationships are very ficle and fleeting,the bond between same sex couples is not the same as between men and women,the reasons behind this are very simple,nature, nature has programmed opposite sexes to attract for one purpose, procreation, i realise i will be stoned,burned at the stake and quartered for my views here,i will probably be called a TYPICAL hetero who hates gays blah blah blah, but before the potential mr and mr smith or msrs and msrs brown sharpen their knives here,let me assure you that i do not hate gays,i work with a lot of gays and treat gays with the same respect as anybody,however,i also know that gay people tend to get overprescious about great many things,not just marriage.

Because gay men and gay women have no right to be “normal”, just like everybody else …

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A pinch of Salt

According to social demographer Bernard Salt, the rise in single-person households in Australia is due to a whopping increase in our society of “sad, lonely old baby boomers. The widowed, separated and divorced”.

Oh, fuck off, Bernard.

Bernard belongs to that curious demographic of demographers and social researchers whose lives appear to be devoted to telling other people precisely how their lives are completely fucked (even if they’ve been blissfully unaware of this until now), how they’ll be fucked forever, and how they will die a lonely, feeble and unutterably miserable death, leaving naught behind but tears on a pillow and a few sad, solitary stains on the bedsheets.

Joining Bernard yesterday was Bettina Arndt, a woman whose life appears to revolve around telling other people how to fuck.

Try this quick quiz …

Read the rest of this entry »

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*pumps fist*

Science has spoken:

Melburnians spend the least on a cup of coffee, burger meal or bottle of milk than in any other Australian capital city

Melbourne is the hipster capital of Australia. And Sydney:

Sydney was the most expensive Australian city

*ungracious victory dance*

I think I speak for all Melbournians when I say: ”Meh, I lived here since before it was cool”

3 Comments