Archive for category Federal election 2010

I feel fine

That’s great, it starts with a Greenquake, tofu, no steaks, a bioplane -
Bob Brown is not afraid.  Katter says no way, it’s just not your day -
Katter serves his own needs, Gillard quakes at the knees. Knock it off Oakeshott,
all air, too hot. Windsor shits, he’s off the pot, Abbott sinks, he’s flopped,
she’s right! From doing it with fibre with a government for hire to an insulation
fire
in a combat site. BER, failure, going to the polls with Kevin Rudd
breathing down your neck. News Limited reporters baffled, stumped, buggered,
tossed. Look at that broadband! NBN. When? Uh oh, population overflow,
sustainable’s obtainable. Save yourself, stop the boats. Hatred serves its
own needs, hatred loves the ALP. Tell me about the rapture of the
Regional Infrastructureright. You shambolic, vitriolic, sham, left, deaf
dear, feeling pretty clear.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

Six o’clock – news hour. Gillard’s just been handed power. Weep and cry,
goodbye, Tony Abbott doesn’t lie. Love his budgies, bible study, pity that his
budget’s rubb’ry. Every issue escalate. Garrett should incinerate. Light a candle,
light a votive. Vote cast, no motive. Gillard’s heels crush, crush. Uh oh,
Brown’s here, Tone feels queer fear. Bum’s rush, steer clear! A tournament,
a tournament, a tournament of lies. Offer him solutions, offer him alternatives
and he’ll decline.

It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it.
It’s the end of the world as we know it and I feel fine.

And I feel fine.

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Katter goes with Coalition…

"YEHAA! Score one for the bad guys!"

"YE-HAAH! Score one for the bad guys!"

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A Gillard government?

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The Change Agent Network, experts in negotiation and conflict resolution.

Acme Firearms.

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An Abbott government?

Suspiria

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New polls reveal …

Monkeys like bananas.

bananas

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Residual gamble lose

I’m getting a little fed up with how, when a government, a politician or political party announce some policy initiative, something that may actually be worthwhile doing, the announcement seems to be inevitably reported as “outraging some powerful lobby industry” or other, and being a thing that will tip society over the teetering edge of civilisation as we know it.

Yet the abyss beckons according to Clubs Australia executive director Anthony Ball

… said the undertaking to implement a mandatory pre-commitment system for all poker machines across Australia as well as to limit ATM cash withdrawals to just $250 a day were completely untested.

He said the measures would close rural clubs, cost jobs, inconvenience recreational gamblers and club users, and do nothing to alleviate problem gambling.

“Julia Gillard wrote to Clubs Australia and committed herself to consultation in developing gambling policy.

“That commitment has been broken. We won’t just take that sitting down.”

Oh, really? Well, la-di-da.

Does Ball truly think anyone’s going to swallow that scenario?

Does he really think that he’s going to be able to persuade the remaining three independents, all of whom have strong, personal connections to their country electorates and have very probably heard the experiences of problem gamblers firsthand, that “inconveniencing recreational gamblers” to ATM withdrawals of $250 a day at their local club or pub will signal the beginning of the end of the industry or the devastation of their local communities?

I would suggest people who are gambling two hundred fifty bucks a day are not quite in the category of “recreational gamblers”, would you think?

And if they can’t get more cash from the ATM at their pub or club, they’re probably just going to wander off down the street to the one at the fucking bank on the corner.

I have no moral objections to poker machines, or judgements to cast on those who play them. I’ve played the things, though not to any significant extent I must admit, and certainly for no significant amount of money, a few coins now and then, or a five buck note if I’m feeling audacious. I find them almost unbearably tedious after about five minutes, as there’s nothing one is required to do beyond pressing a button and watching some fucking wheels spin round until you get heartily congratulated for winning a “top result” of fifty fucking cents, and I would drop to my knees invoking the one billion names of God in thanks if my local pub would just put a couple P!I!N!B!A!L!L! M!A!C!H!I!N!E!S in the damn room to liven it up some.

But Ball may as well eat his own arse with a one-tined fork from a circus trapeze if he thinks his industry’s lobbying efforts are going to cut it the same type of sweet ‘n’ easy deals with these independents that it gets from the major party players.

For we have heard these “major party players” for years now, gibber on about the need to address “problem gambling”, to address the yadda, yadda, yadda of this and the yadda, yadda, yadda of that, and invariably all they manage to come up with is just another fucking sticker on a fucking machine, or just another fucking poster on a wall divider, or just another fucking “helpline”, or just another fucking website, or some fucking conference, and all of it, every word spoke, every word written, is little more than lip-service paid to the ether from soft-bellied, mouth-breathing arseclowns grown fat on the proceeds of human misery who think the “collateral damage” done by gambling is but an inconvenience akin to a fart in a confessional compared to the great, greasy fistfuls of shiny, shiny coin to be had …

… All the better to use for the announcement of yet another brand new rail-link or some other such fantastic imagining, I suppose …

No, I very much doubt these independents are going to be swayed by a “lobby group” like Clubs Australia to their cause, as the cause simply amounts to, “We demand the right to exploit human frailties and weaknesses to the fullest extent we can in return for a buck.”, and I don’t think those being lobbied share much in common with the likes of Joe Tripodi or Eddie Obeid or any of the other reptilian party hacks from the dank backrooms of Sussex Street, do you think?.

The independents are the lobby group now, and the lobby group that matters it would seem, the lobby group that gets to call all the shots it damn well likes, and if one of the shots they’re calling is for measures to be taken to regulate poker machine gambling in such a way that it may help reduce some of the problems caused, I think it’s a shot long overdue to be fired.

And if they manage to get that up and running, then all power to ‘em.

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Hahahahaha! .. Oh, you’re serious…

Treasury has found a $11 billion black hole in coalition costings:

Before the election the Coalition said its promises would add about $11.5 billion to the budget bottom line over the next four years.

But Treasury analysis given to Tony Windsor and his fellow independents Rob Oakeshott and Bob Katter shows the Coalition’s promises would only add between $860 million and $4.5 billion to the bottom line.

But the opposition stands by their costings:

Opposition finance spokesman Andrew Robb says he stands by coalition costings and says claims of a black hole relate to a difference of opinion over calculations.

“Out of 304 policies there was established at the end what I would say (was) a difference of opinion on a handful of projects,” he told ABC radio.

“It’s not an error of costings. There is a difference of opinion when you go through the projects that they had identified. We stand by our costings.”

An 11 billion dollar difference of opinion, seriously? You knew they were dodgy, that’s why you didn’t want to release them to treasury before the election. Then the parliament was hung and it all blew up in your face. You sneaky, dishonest, irresponsible swine.

How do you misplace $11 billion?

Cue a week of “treasury has a left wing bias”, “the public service has a left wing bias” and “maths has a left wing bias” in the media. Then ironically they will write a “the media has a left wing bias story” pointing to one opinion piece in The Age that will rightly tear the opposition a new one for this.

And through all of this, the ALP will fail to capitalise on this major fuck up. They just really don’t seem to be trying anymore.

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What a swell Party that was

I was thirteen years old when Gough Whitlam was elected Prime Minister in 1972.

The first Whitlam ministry comprised two men, Whitlam and his deputy Lance Barnard.

For 14 days, these two men made roughly 40 decisions on how the country would be governed and dragged it kicking and screaming into the 20th century after a little too long in grey flannel suit and felt hat land …

The withdrawal of troops from Vietnam.
An inquiry into indigenous land rights.
Recognition of China.

Some progressive thinking took place, some innovation, some ideas, some big ideas, and you didn’t need to be an “adult” or particularly politically aware to sense something very, very different was going on. Of course, it all ended in tears a few short years later, but … c’est la guerre …

Most 13 year olds aren’t much interested in politics, and I was no exception. My major concerns and interests at that time were dealing with school, skipping school whenever I could (which was often until the day I got nabbed farting about in the storm water drains near the train tracks by the cops and escorted back to school), reading science fiction and pulling myself silly. That’s what 13 year old boys do, and anyone who says different is …

Read the rest of this entry »

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The list: Election 2010 edition

While we still don’t know who will be forming government in this country, the polls are closed and the Australian people have spoken. It was a long, painful and frankly boring campaign. Few policies were announced, even fewer were properly debated and overall I feel somewhat dumber for the whole experience.

But there were a few exceptional people leading up to and during the campaign. People who worked tirelessly to make this country a much worse place. With all the election analysis going around I’m afraid that these people might not get the recognition they deserve, which is why here at Groupthink I would like to pay my respects to these tireless individuals.

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Nick Minchin

It would be easy to focus on Tony Abbott as the public face of the operation, but Minchin is the real mastermind of this. The ALP may have their faceless warlords, but the LIberal party have the eminently punchable face of Nick Minchin conducting their party room wars. The sight of an enthusiastic and happy Minchin on election night sent shivers down my spine.

The NSW ALP Right

faceless_personIt’s almost like the ALP had a meeting, sat down at a table, looked each other in the eyes and said “Fuck it, I don’t want to win this election”. So they disposed of a leader, backflipped on key policy issues then went screaming eyes shut to the right of every debate. And leading this blind stupidity was the faceless men of the NSW right. I don’t understand how you couldn’t say “our policies, which the opposition voted against have kept Australia out of recession” or “compared to every other developed economy our debt is unbelievably low and because we kept Australia out of recession we will be able to pay it back faster than any other economy, if it were a Liberal government there would have been no stimulus package, a recession and Australia would have slid further into debt”. They were up against Abbott, totally unelectable and became leader of his party by only 1 vote. It’s not exactly a difficult sales pitch. But no, the ALP did everything they could to fucking piss this election up against the wall.

Mark Latham

Utter, utter cunt.

Laurie Oaks

His dressing down of Latham aside, Oaks had a shameful campaign. Just in case the campaign didn’t have enough distractions, there he was at every turn with another leak flowing from his arse. Did you know that members of the same party occasionally had differences of opinion of policy issues in the party room? Because I expected that, but Oaks seemed to think it was a big deal. Which seems rather naive for a man who has been around Canberra for so long.

The Media

That’s right, all of you. The shit media coverage and the shite they called journalism has been well and truly covered here at Groupthink already.

The Young Liberals

This shameless little stunt pretty much ensured your place on the list, you grubby little turds.

While there are plenty more I’d like to mention I am out of time for today.

But feel free to rant about your favourite bad guys of the 2010 election in the comments.

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One Nation, one vote

Remember Mark Latham’s 60 Minutes plea for everyone to vote informally? Well, with just under 80% of the vote counted, 622,000 Australians have done just that.

What you may not be aware of is another NSW resident’s plea in response to Latham’s.

With almost all votes counted, it appears that 586 Bennelong punters listened to Victor. Obviously the Victorian head of One Nation, John Groves, wasn’t lying:

#onenation.will surprise tomorrow.

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