Archive for category Politics

A “Sorry” Variation (Sincere Regrets)

Groupthink is proud to announce a brand new set of lyrics with a local and contemporary flavour set to the tune of Tex Williams’ “Some, Smoke, Smoke (That Cigarette)”

“SORRY, SORRY, SORRY (SINCERE REGRETS)”

Now we’re a country with a heart of gold,
Or at least that’s what we’re taught and told,
The kinda place that’s the envy of the world.

 But there’s some things that ain’t too thrillin’
Like “The X Factor” or seam gas drillin’,
That when I hear about, do make my toes fair curl.

We’re very sorry for Pauline Hanson,
She can’t wash a car and she’s shit at dancin’,
She ain’t much superior to anyone.

Sorry for whinin’ and fallin’ to our knees-
Whoops! Here’s a boat from Indonese!
Run for the hills and don’t forget the guns!

(CHORUS)
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sincere regrets,
Sorry for all the things we’ve done, and the things we ain’t done yet.
We’re so sorry it makes us cry,
Sorry that our planes don’t fuckin’ fly,
Sorry for the floods and the levy and the flies and the sharks and the pests.

Alan Jones is sorry for his choice of language,
I wish he were the meat in a gay leper sandwich,
Alan Joyce is sorry he’s brung The Troubles.

We’re sorry ‘bout the price of bananas,
And Coles and Woolies fuckin’ over the farmers,
But I still shop there, ‘cause the other places cost me double! (Sorry)

We’re sorry about Andrew Bolt’s pity,
The sook could be heard from city to city,
But old Andy, he ain’t sorry ‘bout much at all.

“My freedom of speech is under threat!”,
And, “Ordinary folk can’t place a bet!”,
“These Muslims and ni**ers gonna rape and kill us all!”

(CHORUS)
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sincere regrets,
Sorry for all the things we’ve done, and the things we ain’t done yet.
We’re so sorry it makes us cry,
Sorry that our planes don’t fuckin’ fly,
Sorry for the floods and the levy and the flies and the sharks and the pests.

We’re sorry for climate change,
No doubt these scientists are all insane!
You can predict the climate from the entrails of a chicken!

And we’re sorry for Katter and Barnaby Joyce,
Add Angry Anderson and you’re spoilt for choice
For candidates with the brainpower of a kitten!

And we’re bloody sorry for Julia Gillard,
And for Kevin Rudd, whom she doth spill’ed,
Poor dear went off his Iced Vo-Vo’s for a month.

But we’re mortified by Tony Abbott,
In his budgie smugglers with his budgie’s scabbard,
I’m sorry, but I’m about to lose my lunch!

(CHORUS)
Sorry, sorry, sorry, sincere regrets,
Sorry for all the things we’ve done, and the things we ain’t done yet.
We’re so sorry it makes us cry,
Sorry that our planes don’t fuckin’ fly,
Sorry for the floods and the levy and the flies and the sharks and the pests.

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An Important Message from the Australian Pharmaceutical Industry

Our Fellow Australians,

We of the Australian pharmaceutical industry and its related interests and concerns are alarmed at the Federal government’s recently announced policy intentions seeking to introduce mandatory dosage recommendations on prescription and non-prescription medicines and medicinal products.

It is our firm belief that introducing such restrictions on products that are legally and freely available to any Australian within current age regulations will seriously impact on the ability of the Australian pharmaceutical industry and its related interests and concerns to continue operating on the level of profitability necessary to viably invest in much-needed further research into the medical, scientific and pharmaceutical fields that are vital to the continuing health, well-being and welfare of not only all Australians, but people throughout the world.

Our independently conducted research has concluded that the introduction of such mandatory dosage restrictions and recommendations may potentially cost the industry upwards of $13 billion in lost research and development investments per annum, which carries with it dire implications for the average Australian citizen’s health and their ability to treat their health issues and concerns responsibly and independently of government interference. By restricting such current freedoms, the government also fails to grasp the enormous cost and pressure such a policy of restrictions will place upon the national health care system as more and more people, unable to responsibly self-medicate will, potentially, consume the time and attentions of health professionals on relatively trivial matters that would be best served on those far more serious.

The Federal government’s current policy intentions signify not only an interference in an individual’s right to choose their own treatment regime as their needs may dictate, but a breach of confidentiality between the recommendations of health professionals and their patients. Therefore, it is our most sincere intention to continue to aggressively protest the introduction of such a policy by the current government as we believe it represents not only a highly unfair and discriminatory imposition on our industry and its related interests and concerns, but a violation of every Australian citizen’s right to live and make decisions about the course of their lives unhindered by government intervention and restrictions.

It is down paths such as these that the seeds of totalitarianism are sown.

Sincerely,
The Australian Pharmaceutical Industry and its Related Interests and Concerns

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#OccupyBrisbane round up

Once upon a time on the internet something both spontaneous and hilarious happens and last night was one of those nights. It may be that this was just a “you had to be there” kind of moments but as word went out on twitter to watch the #occupyBrisbane webstream it quickly became clear that we were watching something very special. No doubt my words can in no way replicate the experience of the live show, but I will try and summarise this failed revolution as best as I can.

For the uninitiated the Occupy protests are a spin off of the Occupy Wall Street protest that has been happening in New York for about a month now and in this past weekend several local Occupy protests have been started in Australian cities. Occupy Sydney and Melbourne seem to be the biggest and most organised, but these also seem to be more tightly controlled by the various socialist groups that regularly attend most left of centre protests. Quickly these protests morphed into the same Free Palestine/Capitalism is bad/Boycott Max Brenner of most far left protests of recent months.

Occupy Brisbane on the other hand had more of a touch of unpredictability about it, it seemed to be less professionally organised and acted as a magnet for various unrelated people who were angry at “the government” and “the man”. The real fun started when twitter found the live feed yesterday afternoon and the spontaneous hilarity it provided. As no-one recorded the feed I will attempt to try and explain some of the lulz, but it may very well be one of those “you had to be there” things that is lost on anyone who didnt originally see it. But anyway, here is a breif summary of some of the funniest bits of Occupy Brisbane.

Photo via @JamesCroft

Big pharmaceutical companies are suppressing cures for cancer.

Reserve bank, is part of the 1% and holding down the 99%

A colourful character referred to on twitter as “ute-guy” told a story of buying a nice ute via GE Money credit. When he failed to keep up with his repayments he was horrified when GE Money repossessed his ute. Presumably he was attending Occupy Brisbane to fight for a world where he doesnt have to pay for utes, or something.

Various anti-vaccinations, chemtrails and this being Queensland anti-fluoride in the water cranks giving their screed over the feed.

And then the real star of the show turned up, 18 year old Tayne or “DC Hat Guy” to his fans because of his Fred Durst style backwards skater hat. Some of the insightful gold from DC Hat Guy.

“The vibes are so good here that I havent smoked drugs for three days”

“People are not sleeping in Africa”

“We went to like round up some homeless people to give them food, it was rad”

“I don’t think this is a political thing, it’s an equality thing, i just want people to be happy. If people were happy that would be sick!”

DC Hat Guy quickly became very popular on twitter and before long he had his own parody twitter account and t-shirt.

But just like most revolutions it wasnt long until the revolution would be betrayed. For all the talk of freedom and direct democracy slowly and slowly the big wigs of occupy Brisbane got more and more reluctant to answer questions and engage in discussions with the live webstream. More and more often the moderators of this supposedly leaderless group would ban commenters from the stream and shut down debate entirely. It was the “some animals are more equal than others” moment for Occupy Brisbane. All the youthful idealism of an ideal world of three days ago was lost as the faceless men of the movement sought to control the flow of information from the movement. They even informed the webstream that the General Assembly would NOT be livestreamed. The move from open democracy to backroom dictatorship controlled by faceless men was around 72 hours.

But there was one idealist who stayed true to the belief of the revolution and it was the one and only DC Hat Guy. Over the livestream we saw DC Hat Guy stay true to the principles of the revolution to the autocrats in the movement. When they had an argument about freedom of speech in the movement and over the webstream the autocrats supported more banning and controlling of debate but DC Hat Guy gave an impassioned plea to stay true to their principles declaring

“They can troll the crap out of me, I don’t give a shit. Trolls are people too”

Threatened by DC Hat Guys popularity with the public as the unofficial face of the revolution the autocrats had a talk about keeping strict control over the webfeed. It could be the last we see of DC hat Guy as the faceless autocrats seek to make him an unPerson. So to the Leon Trotsky of this revolution, DC Hat Guy, we support you. They may silence you but they wont silence your message. For FREEDOM!

“If people were happy that would be sick”

via @ErikVeland

 

 

Update: Some other posts about Occupy Brisbane here and here

Lots of people on twitter mentioning bits that I didn’t see, unfortunately I only saw a small part of last night so feel free to add your own highlights in the comments section.

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We are all Bill Murray now

5.30 on Channel 9′s “Today” show this morning opens with the headline story, “They’re here! More boats headed for our shores carrying potentially hundreds of asylum seekers and they could be here as soon as today!”, it’s Groundhog Day, I punch the mute button on the remote and wait for it to go away.

Lordy, lordy, won’t you help me please, for I was about 41 or 42 when this conversation about refugees became the Australia’s Cup of political footballs, and I am almost 53 today, and this conversation continues, and it surely does exhaust my tired ol’ mind sumfin’ awful and wearies my chalky ol’ bones to the marrow, yes’m, indeed it do, amen to that and praise this day.

For I have worn out my last pair of rubber underpants and peed my last panicked puddle of despair over the dire straits of it all, I can pee and squeal no more, I’m plum all peed and squealed out, looks like they’re here and they’re here to stay and they’re coming, more of them, every day, thousands upon thousands upon thousands of whacked-out dingbats in bomb-laden dinghies to blow us all to that great brick shithouse in the sky, fuck our sheep and fill our pies with felafel.

By God in the almighty heavens above our tender heads, it is a sad truth today that the fabric of our society is indeed a torn and ragged rag of a thing now.

Yes, Sweet Jesus, it is but a pair of ol’, piss-streaked y-fronts on the spindly and spotted frame of an 80 year old digger with its arse all hangin’ out to buggery, and the people of this fair land ain’t havin’ none of it no mo’, they’s a souffle of social unrest a-risin’ in the heartland, all angry cheese and righteous dustings of outraged flour over the changing state of this nation and these seemingly endless series of vile upheavals that have seen our shores swarm with murderin’ beards and their murderin’ ways, smokin’ hookahs and bakin’ flatbreads and those little jelly sweets that are dusted with sugary shit, I quite like those and I don’t really have much of a sweet tooth.

Sorry, where was I?

Oh.

Yes …

5.30 on Channel 9′s “Today” show this morning opens with the headline story, “They’re here! More boats headed for our shores carrying potentially hundreds of asylum seekers and they could be here as soon as today!”, it’s Groundhog Day, I punch the mute button on the remote and wait for it to go away.

Lordy, lordy, won’t you help me please, for I was about 41 or 42 when this conversation about refugees became the Australia’s Cup of political footballs, and I am almost 53 today, and this conversation continues, and it surely does exhaust my tired ol’ mind sumfin’ awful and wearies my chalky ol’ bones to the marrow, yes’m, indeed it do, amen to that and praise this day …

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The imagined, but very real, leadership crisis

Yesterday I wrote about the leadership crisis that the media has entirely manufactured. I am sure that it goes without saying for most of you that the media are not mere observers, gathers and reporters of news in our political space. They act in the space perhaps even more than the politicians. The media defines the terms of our political debates and the context those debates take place. No one else in the political space has the power to manufacture reality like the media does.

Not to labour the point, but I think The Age today illustrated my point beautifully.

Gillard firm as MPs waver

MPs waver? So Labor MPs have expressed doubt about Gillard’s leadership? A challenger is counting their numbers? Anything?

No. Nothing of the sort.

That’s not to say Labor MPs aren’t feeling a touch of dispair. They have been getting nowhere in opinions polls, and the two biggest media stories of the week are how the government is incompetent (High Court ruling) or just plain stuffed (Craig Thompson). This despite the Parliamentary Budget Officer bill being introduced to parliament.

SOME of Julia Gillard’s own MPs have declared she is stuck ”spinning her wheels” and predicted an election rout ”in varying degrees of diabolical”, as Labor’s internal despair spills out into public view.

That’s not leadership speculation. That’s not MPs wavering on leadership. That’s a feeling that has been expressed for months. They’re not getting anywhere in the public’s mind, and it’s frustrating the hell out off them.

The Age then reports that the ALP is feeding information to the opposition on the Craig Thompson affair, but then The Age tells us that “Both sides agree the leaks do not appear to be motivated by a desire to damage Ms Gillard”. So not wavering on leadership then.

And this is where the story enters self-perpetuation mode,

Both sides agree the leaks do not appear to be motivated by a desire to damage Ms Gillard; but the Thomson affair, along with the High Court’s ruling last week against the Malaysian refugee swap deal, has intensified speculation about Ms Gillard’s future as Prime Minister.

Speculation from where? The media. But that doesn’t matter, by this point the idea of media speculation is so entrenched that they don’t need to justify it, they just need to say it. The Age is reporting on the media’s own speculation.

The only reason that Gillard has even commented on matters of leadership (or anyone has commented on it, for that matter) is because the media has asked about it.

Then the article come crashing to a close almost contradicting the first half of the article,

Sources across the party insist there is no imminent move against her, citing a prevailing view that she should be given time to pass carbon price laws and sort out Labor’s stoush over gay marriage.

Former New South Wales premier Bob Carr insisted the party was not considering a change of leader. ”I know they’re not. There’s no basis for leadership speculation,” he said

Bob Carr is probably right, or at least he was. There wasn’t any basis for leadership speculation. The point I am labouring here is that the media may have been imagining all of this leadership speculation, but the media has the power to imagine it into reality. Leadership speculation is very real now even though it wasn’t before.

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What I see when I see the new anti carbon-tax ads

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The dog from Up

There has been lots of great stuff written in recent weeks (and months) about why political journalism in this country is broken. Some innovative analysis and solutions have been offered, and many bloggers and ranters on the internet have different takes on why it’s broken, how it’s broken and what can be done to fix it. But everyone seems to agree that it’s broken, that much is clear.

Our media has a painfully short attention span. This is not a problem that exclusively ours either. During the current Republican presidential primaries, Jon Stewart described the US media as the dog from Up. The American media was bored with the current crop of Republican candidates so they started speculating about Rick Perry entering the race. He did, and the next day the media started speculating about Paul Ryan entering the race.

“Mum, can I have a Paul Ryan?”

“I JUST GOT YOU A RICK PERRY. AND YOU ALREADY BROKE YOUR MICHELE BACHMANN.”

This week the Australian media got bored. Bored of Julia Gillard, now they want a new Labor leader to defame (seeing as this one won’t let them).

All week, Gillard’s leadership has been “under threat”. From who? Doesn’t matter. The media is now is self-perpetuating-story mode. The media is reporting on the media’s speculation about the media comments that Gillard’s leadership in now under fire.

And that is the narrative. It doesn’t matter if the story doesn’t really have anything to do with leadership, the media applies their new narrative to it anyway.

This, for example:

“Left jab forces Gillard to defend her leadership”

Julia Gillard’s leadership is being further damaged as Labor’s Left faction demands she drop all plans for offshore processing of asylum-seekers.

The Left’s revolt follows the disastrous outcome for the Government from the High Court’s refusal to allow the proposed people swap with Malaysia.

As the row over Prime Minister Gillard’s judgment continued, the faction insisted cabinet return to Labor Party policy that excludes sending boat people to another country to process their claims for refugee status.

But Ms Gillard is defying her critics within the Government, vowing to remain in her post until the election in two years.

The story has nothing to do with leadership. Nothing. The left faction of the ALP wants a change in policy, not leadership. So how did we suddenly make the jump to “But Ms. Gillard is defying her critics within the Government, vowing to remain in her post until the election in two years”? A policy dispute is not a leadership dispute. But of course, the press gallery has spent all week building this narrative, so any story about the government will now be framed with questions of leadership.

All this leadership talk seems to be based on is some remarks by former Labor minister Graham Richardson and an unnamed Labor sources who said Gillard has “lost authority”. Hardly enough to justify the current media frame which has dominated every story about the government this week.

You’d be forgiven for thinking that the entire party is in disarray and demanding a new leader immediately.

After a week of apparent leadership troubles the media is now free to speculate on who would replace Gillard. Even Andrew Bolt has his suggestions (I’m sure that the ALP will be returning his calls soon). Combet, Shorten, the Rudd revival, even Peter Beattie was being thrown around as if the media is so bored with the current options they need to inject leaders that aren’t even in Parliament into the debate.

The cross-benchers get in on the speculative action too, as the media turned to them to justify their narrative when the Labor party wouldn’t. Lenore Taylor wrote:

Mutterings about leadership change within the Labor Party usually end with the assertion that the three crossbench independents did their deals with Julia Gillard and would bring down the government should anyone move to depose her.

For so long we wanted to fantasise about a new Labor leader, but the independents wouldn’t let us.

But the independents themselves say that’s not necessarily true. The three independents are still backing the government, and the Prime Minister, but at least two don’t rule out supporting a Labor administration led by someone different.

See! See! We were right! The ALP could change their leadership!

As an aside, I will say my love for Tony Windsor grows each and every day.

“I don’t think I can conceive of a situation where I would impose Tony Abbott on the Australian people – they might choose him and if they do then that’s their choice, but I would never impose such a person. I have severe doubts about him as an alternative prime minister, always have had, but he’s compounded that in my mind by his absolute negativity and dog whistling. He’s encouraged that nasty edge with the Tea Party talkback people and it’s quite dangerous in my view. He’s making extraordinary claims in the climate debate … he’s denigrated Parliament with a deliberate strategy to make it look dysfunctional when the reality is it is not.”

Of course, I don’t think it is only Tony Abbott who is giving the impression that Parliament is dysfunctional. He is aided in no small way by the media, who have been more than willing to report on the alternate reality that is Abbott’s version of Parliament.

Rather than reporting on the policy, or even the substance of the High Court’s ruling (you had to go looking pretty hard to find out on what grounds the policy was deemed unlawful) the media has turned this week into a week of leadership speculation. A circus.

Much has been written about the Sideshow since Tanner released his excellent book back in May, but nothing seems to have changed in the way the Australian media reports politics.

And it’s hard to see it getting better.

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Get your government hands off my carbons

Today the irate and outrage gathered in Canberra to protest against the impending end of Australian life as we know it! Otherwise known as the Carbon Tax.

Talkback radio listeners the nation over gathered to hear the voices of noted intellectuals such as Angry Anderson and Pauline Hanson.

Among the more interesting signs at the rally is this curious offering.

I’m not even vaguely sure what it means, yet he does look rather impressed with his efforts so it must mean something. Seriously, anyone know what on earth he is on about?

Then there was this elaborate creation.

Under a list of disasters to have happened under JuLIAR Gillard are both the NSW and QLD floods. So somehow now Gillard is to blame for anything bad that happens under her Prime Ministership, even if they are natural disasters that she would have no chance of stopping unless she somehow attained godlike powers. Japanese Tsunami, GILLARD’S FAULT. London riots, GILLARD’S FAULT. Transformers 3 GILLARD AGAIN. Van Halen pulling out of Soundwave Revolution GILLARD HOW COULD YOU LET THIS HAPPEN?

Then this curious individual who was treated like a messiah by the crowd.

 

Mr Abbott helped to the podium Victorian truck driver Troy ‘Grover’ Logan, who walked for eight days and 368km from Albury on the NSW-Victorian border to attend the rally.

 

Why did he walk? Who knows.

 

Mr Logan’s wife Angie said her husband’s campaign had cost him his job, with his trucking company having sacked him for his absence.

 

Bosses generally don’t like it when you don’t turn up for work. Who knew!

 

 

 

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Stop hurting Australia

Last night I saw it.

I had heard about it. I have even really stories that confirmed it really did exist. But even in my wildest dreams I never imagined that it could possibly be real (and quite this bad).


The carbon price is going to lead to the great hairdresser collapse of 2012. Just you wait. Historians will be writing about it for centuries. They will write of the once great cities built on back of fashionable haircuts, leg waxing and tanning that crumbled as their salon economy was crushed by the weight of the carbon tax and the evil socialist government. Civilization as we know it will fall thanks to the bowl cuts and poor quality hair foils that will start flooding the streets. THE VERY FABRIC OF SOCIETY WILL TEAR APART AROUND US AND WE WILL ALL FALL INTO A FIERY PIT OF MAGMA AND BURN SLOWLY TO DEATH.

Or… not.

Turn some fucking lights off and open a window, Angela. Perhaps hair could dry out naturally instead of blowdrying with every single cut. Unplug your straighteners when you’re not using them. And if that doesn’t work, and your power bills still rise “over a thousand dollars in the first year”, I reckon you could maybe knock the price of a cut and colour up a few bucks.

Maybe, just fucking maybe, you will be okay.

And then:

“For no environmental benefit”

Get. Fucked.

And the Australian Trade and Industry Alliance can do the same.

Australia is the largets per capita emitter of greenhouse gasses in the world: if we don’t have a moral responsibility to reduce our carbon emissions, who do you think does?

You can’t, as your website claims, “support action on climate change” and then go running around with your hands in the air screaming “BUT NOTHING WE DO WILL HELP ANYWAY” at the same time. Any policy that reduces greenhouse emissions is going to make a lot of high polluting companies less profitable in the short term. It happens when you reorganise a business. But last I checked, the mineral and energy companies were doing okay, so I’m sure you will find a way to deal with it.

But don’t claim you support action on climate change because you fucking well don’t. You could start reducing emissions tomorrow if you wanted to. You’ve had plenty of time to do it, but you haven’t, so now you get the stick.

You avoided the stick last year when your self-interested bullshit took down a Prime Minister. Who knows, you might bring down another PM with more of your self-interested bullshit.

And thanks you groups like The Australian Trade and Industry Alliance, we’ll get fucking Tony Abbott.

Then will the fuckers be happy?

No. They’ll need more tax cuts lest economic armageddon reigns down upon us. They’ll need more skilled labour provided to them free of fucking charge by the tax payer.

Train your own fucking workforce, you cretins. We’re already giving you our mineral wealth.

And maybe you can start polluting less too. Seeing as we’re giving you our land, maybe we can keep the air.

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Burgergate

About 3 years back American conservatives discovered something so shocking about Presidential candidate Barack Obama that it would surely spell the end of his Presidential campaign and his entire political career.

It was shocking, but it was a terrible, undeniable truth that we had to accept and deal with.

Barack Obama….. ATE VEGETABLES!

Shocking I know. But for some reason when Obama mentioned the price of arugula, (known as rocket in Australia) to voters in Iowa the usual conservative nutjobs tried to paint this as another sign of Obama’s liberal arrogance. REAL Americans don’t eat vegetables, especially residents of Iowa. They have steak and whiskey for breakfast, a double down for lunch and a deep fried hamburger for dinner. None of your liberal “vegetables” here thanks.

AVERT YOUR EYES FROM THE COMMUNIST ARUGULA!

 

Of course in the real world the good farmers of Iowa actually grow lots of vegetables, including the apparently liberal leaf arugula.

Then in 2009 when the first lady started growing dreaded vegetables including the left wing arugula in the White House garden the nuts whipped themselves into a frenzy once again.

Well its a few years on but few people appear wiser because now they are going after Michelle Obama for……. eating a hamburger.

Yep.

Conservatives smelled fresh meat on Monday when first lady Michelle Obama dared to order what was once considered an All-American meal at Shake Shack. Her lunch consisted of a burger, fries, a chocolate shake and a Diet Coke (you know, to keep the calories down), a meal that totalled about 1,700 calories

Let’s just hope there was no arugula on that burger.

So the reason they are going after her is that the first lady started a campaign called “Let’s Move” designed to reduce the rather alarming rates of childhood obesity in America’s youth. A noble goal by anyone’s standards, but now a single hamburger has made Michelle Obama a giant hypocrite.

Americans seem to love this holier than though demands of their leaders. I don’t think anyone who promotes a healthy diet would argue that you can never have the occasional treat. All she did was eat a hamburger. And when she is healthy and grows and eats vegetables she gets attacked for that too. These people are insane.

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