Archive for category Politics

Steve goes on the telly

by @FakeFielding on 12 March 2010
Categories: Media, Politics | Tags: , , , , ,

Last Monday morning I was sitting at home on the floor of my room, absolutely smashing the evil Decepticons with a double-pronged attack of Autobots and Voltron, when Susan came in to tell me that I had been invited to go on the television! Apparently, a guest due to appear on some show called Q&A had cancelled and the ABC wanted me to go on instead! Tears welled in my eyes because it was the happiest day of my life.

I immediately sent a text to Nick Xzennophone, asking him if he’d ever been on the telly before. He answered yes, so I asked if he’d ever been on the ABC before. He answered yes, so I asked him if he’d ever been on the Q&A before. He answered no, so I told him that I was going on Q&A and he wasn’t. I signed off, “Regards Steve”, even though I don’t really have any regards for him. Xzennophone can be such a media whore sometimes so it’s nice to get one up on him now and again.

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Health still in a half-baked crisis

by @FakeFielding on 3 March 2010
Categories: Health, Politics | Tags: , , ,

A few months ago I had the misfortune to require the services of a hospital and the experience has ultimately had a huge impact on health policy in this country. Susan was taking the kids to the cinema but I wasn’t allowed to go because it was an M-rated film so I was staying home alone. She made me some lunch and put it on a plate in the microwave with a Post-it note arrow stuck next to the keypad, and left on the table a John Farnham, Live In Concert DVD for me to watch. I love staying home alone because I can be totally independent and do what I want.

Having successfully re-heated my food after five frustrating minutes spent realising that I had to press the button next to the Post-in note arrow, not the arrow itself, I settled down in the lounge room to watch the DVD. But all of a sudden disaster struck when I stuck the DVD into the VHS machine without even thinking! What an idiot! Panicking, I frantically pressed EJECT on the remote control and the machine itself, but the disc wouldn’t come out. I changed the batteries and tried again but still nothing! I called Susan to ask what to do but her phone was on silent inside the cinema. Breathing deep to keep the anxiety at bay I knew it was time for some creative thinking.

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A Breef History of Australia by Christopher Abbott, Year 8

by Ross Sharp on 2 March 2010
Categories: Education, Politics, Society | Tags:

Captain Cook was a noble Englishman who discovered Australia in 1770, and a bit later another noble Englishman called Phillip put a colony here which was made of British people who were sent here because they had pinched some bread and stuff.

When Mr. Cook came here, there were boongs coons niggers Abo’s here who ate their babies and threw spears at him. Also, they ran around without any clothes on which is not right, that’s what pedo’s do.

So when the British people all got here, they killed the pedo boongs coons niggers blacks and told them to stop eating their babies, they should eat a pie instead.

After we became a country we went to some wars, and our greatest acheivment ever was fighting at Gallopy, where we would have won if it weren’t for a bunch of wogs who shot at us.

Then we went to another war, and we won that one because the wogs were dumber and we were smarter.

We didn’t do very well in Viettnam, but that was only because of the chinks.

Our great hereoes are Robert Menzies who was a Prime Minister ages ago, John Howard who was Prime Minister forever, Don Bradman who was very good at cricket, Kerry Packer gave us colour television and Rupert Murdoch who made “Avatar” which is fucking AWESOME X 1,000!!! thohgh my little brother got sick in the Hoyts from all the 3D and threw up over an old lady.

My Dad told me that our country is fucked buggered not going too well actually these days because of all the wogs and chinks we’ve let in. When all the lebo’s were raping Aussie women in Cronulla beach, my Dad went down there and told me that he punched a lebo in the face really hard and blood came out and the lebo ran away. We had pizza that night and Dad let me have a beer which was nice.

Dad told me that once we had a policy to keep all the wogs out, but some communists got rid of that and said we should hug queers and let women kill their babies which is against God who said queers should be put to death.

Anyway, the teacher told me I had to do at least one qwarto page for this essay and now I am at the end, so that’s all I can do about Australian history for now, also Mum is yelling at me to get my fucking arse out to the kitchen because dinner is ready.

On Tuesdays we get Chinese food from Lings, and Mum lets me have some wine from her cask which is nice (fruity lexia it is called).

I really like the mongrel lamb and spring rolls a lot, with the pink sauce.

7 Comments

Internet v3.0, a preview

by Ross Sharp on 1 March 2010
Categories: Media, Politics, Technology | Tags: ,

December 12, 2010

Re: Internet usage infringement notification

Dear Mr. Sharp,

Thank you for choosing iiNET as your service provider.

In accordance with current Federal Government Communications regulations, we are now obliged to examine the browsing history of all iiNET customers to ensure that appropriate community standards of decency are being maintained and that inappropriate, obscene, illegal or offensive material is not being accessed.

On October 14, 2010, you accessed a YouTube page containing the words “Adolescent Sex”. Before we report this information to the appropriate Federal authorities, we seek clarification about the type of material you were accessing and would request you contact us immediately to provide us with further information.

Kind Regards,
The Team at iiNET

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In a filing cabinet at the tax office

by Scott Bridges on 1 March 2010
Categories: Education, Politics | Tags: , ,

At least it's not in crayon

At least it's not in crayon

4 Comments

Nation’s Pride

by Ross Sharp on 26 February 2010
Categories: Politics, Society | Tags:

I have seen the future according to federal opposition leader Tony Abbott and, as far as I’m concerned, it’s a load of wussy, namby-pamby, half-arsed faggy bollocks.

I for one, and I’m sure I speak for a multitude, if not the vast and overwhelming majority of honest, decent, hard-working, God-fearing Aussie blokes and sheilas are fed up to the fucking back teeth with these bludging toe-rags on welfare. Why the fuck should my taxes be used to subsidise the lifestyle choices of doddery old cunts and cripples and retards and latte-sipping lazy leftist shitheads from the inner-city who are more motivated by the thought of going out and getting another fucking tattoo or piercing than they are by getting a fucking job?

Fuck the lot of them, that’s what I reckon, and if Bud Abbott wants my vote, this is what he really ought to be proposing …

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How can I fill my 84 XE with Antiques now?

by Trevor McDonald on 25 February 2010
Categories: Politics, Society | Tags: ,

Now don’t get me wrong. I’m not one to whinge and bitch like a gallute about local councils. However, the latest stoush between the Stonnington City Council and the Victoria State Government is like watching a fight between David Reece Jones and Dermott Brereton; they are both dirty underhanded cunts who will stick their finger up your arse like Tony Libratore.

Another internet ledgend on the Twitter account pointed out that (let me put this into a parenthesis [Stonnington are whinging about the govt extending the hours of clear ways in High Street Armasdale. The government erected new signs and Stonnington with their most excellent Liberal Mayor covered the signs up and told people to park there and ignore the govt. But when the govt Sherriffs came down to issue the parking fines the Stonnington council fucked off and left all the women buying antiques in there 4WD BMW's and Porches and Prados to cop a fine and or a tow from the govt] this is now in parenthesis).

So the irony and hypocritcal angle of this debate is Stonnington. These cunts issue a huge number of parking fines and they are trying to act like they are fighting for the underdog. But when the fight came the hid back into the council chambers planning junkets.

Why is this issue pertenant because the most excellent Young Liberal Mayor is going to miss out on $150,000 per month of fines that he could have used for the community because the clearway times have been changed.

Now, I’ve never been to Armadale. And I don’t plan to go there. But all I can say is suck shit to all concerned.

Trevor

(A note to the absentee landlords. Since you no longer visit this public toilet can you at least see it in your leftists hearts to give me the opportunity to upload pictures in my posts. Don’t you know who I am?)

2 Comments

Got banjo? … Retards are go!!

by Ross Sharp on 18 February 2010
Categories: Politics, Society, Unexplainable | Tags: , ,

… Ah wuz whittlin’ myself a figurine of Lyndon LaRouche this mornin’ out of a nahce, firm, solid stool I’d passed earlier when a mahty fine chicken mosied on past the porch an’ mah pants went tight all of a sudden …

That’s enough of that nonsense, thank you.

Let’s talk about retards.

Seems a whole bunch of people have been getting a mite tetchy lately about who’s calling who a retard and whether or not calling a person or a bunch of people retards can be considered acceptable in this day and age, this being a day and an age when taking offence at a mere word is guaranteed to generate more in the way of outrage than would an illustrated guide to buggering a chicken sideways with a vibrating fence post.

So, before we denude the English language altogether of those words that make some folks squirt in horror because someone might feel poorly if they’re used, we need to provide some clarity here on precisely how, why and when the word retard makes perfect sense in its application and when it does not.

To describe someone with a genuine intellectual disability, a diagnosed condition or affliction as a retard is not a clever thing to do. And those who are inclined to do so reveal more about their own intellectual corruption and emotional infantilism and inflict more damage to their own reputation (if they’ve got one) and social standing (if they’ve got that) than they would do to the subject or subjects of their slur.

And I feel that you would be perfectly within your rights, if you were the parent or guardian of someone so afflicted, to go forth and seek out the offending party and present them with a thumping good slap upside the head with a meat mallet by way of redress, though far be it for me to encourage random acts of brutal, senseless and satisfying violence, no matter how well justified you might feel they may be.

Yet let us now turn our attention to the appropriate usage of the word retard, and to those individuals to whom it may be most aptly and satisfactorily applied.

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Rock and roll politics

by @FakeFielding on 17 February 2010
Categories: Politics | Tags: , , , ,

When I was a boy of about fourteen I remember asking my Dad if I could go to see Johnny Young’s Young Talent Time show down at the Westfield. He stopped to think for a moment, shook his head, and then sat me down at the kitchen table where all important talks took place. After Dad made us both a cup of cordial (red for me, green for him) we had a man-to-man.

“Son,” he said, “popular music is not quite what it seems to your young and innocent eyes.”

“How’s that, Dad?” I asked, genuinely curious.

“Well, rock and roll is …” he trailed off and paused to gather his thoughts. “Rock and roll is the devil in the form of sound.”

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Spoilt for choice

by Scott Bridges on 16 February 2010
Categories: Federal election 2010 | Tags: , , ,

One of these men will be Prime Minister from 2010 to 2013.

Be afraid, Australia. Be very afraid.

2 Comments