Archive for category Foreign matter

Sexy Feast

I got home from work in a filthy mood, a filthy mood totally unrelated to work (although there was one email I could’ve done without from some cheese-faced CUNT whose head I’d like to slam into a brick wall, split its eyelids with a toe-clipper and tear strips of flesh from its witheringly dusty, scabby skinned fucking body with a serrated vegetable peeler …)

I told you I was in a filthy mood.

So I get home in a filthy mood and I turn on the FUCKING TELEVISION SET!!!

There’s this Jamie Oliver show on.

Something about cooking in 30 minutes, and I thought to myself, I thought, “I can do that. You put some rice in the cooker and heat up a curry, what’s so special about that, EH?”, I thought.

“You gammy CUNT”, I thought, “I’ll fucking have you your 30 fucking minutes, I can whip up a FUCKING CARBO-FUCKING-NARA IN FUCKING FIFTEEN, you can beat that I’d like to fucking see”, I thought to my myself, I fucking thought, I fucking DID.

And then I went for a piss and came back and he was “drizzling some olive oil” on a fucking thing.

What the FUCK is a “drizzle of olive oil” ‘cause every time I see some spatula and tonged-up CUNT ON A FUCKING COOKING SHOW “drizzle some olive oil” on a fucking thing, it always looks to me like they’re throwing about three fucking cups of the stuff over whatever the fuck it is which is usually just about every fucking thing, ain’t it, EH?

EH??

That’s not a FUCKING DRIZZLE, IT’S A FUCKING SOAK, YOU DENSE FUCKING CUNTS!

I thought to myself.

A drizzle is a light, spotty precipitation which can be rather pleasant and refreshing, if we’re speaking weatherwise that is.

A fucking downpour is something altogether fucking different now, isn’t it?

It’s not “The Perfect Storm” for fucking food, eh?

EH???

Now I’m looking at the television set again and he’s doing a thing with some tiny potatoes and some unpeeled garlic cloves in a pan and he’s pressing down on the spuds and all with a kitchen implement of some fucking sort.

And he pulls two cloves of garlic from the pan and takes them over to the chopping board, eh?

“Look at that”, he said, as he mashed some fucking garlic with a fork, “Isn’t that GORGEOUS?”, he said.

And I said, I said to the FUCKING TELEVISION SET I said, I said aloud, I fucking did, I said, “No, it FUCKING isn’t!! It’s just some MASHED UP FUCKING GARLIC, you STUPID, STUPID, FUCKING CUNT!!!”

And then I went for a piss after that and came back and put a curry on.

Nice it was.

Lamb fucking KOOOOORrrrma.

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al-Rockhampton

First a British newspaper places the flood-stricken town of Rockhampton in the Australian state of “Capricornia”, and now a Qatari newspaper has placed the flood-stricken town of Rockhampton in the Middle Eastern country of Yemen.

Rockhampton, Yemen

At least they got the drowning part right

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Best brand name ever

Yamama

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Something to ponder

Love this quote by Detective Munch on Homicide Life on the Streets about the Irish Potato Famine

A million people died in the potato famine. Ireland is an island. An island by definition is surrounded by fish. A million people died because they didn’t like fish.

So true!

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This is how self-regulation works

  1. A shopping centre in Britain installs two squat toilets in response to evidence that its customers are using throne toilets as squat toilets.
  2. Tabloid newspaper Daily Star runs a fair and balanced front page story headlined:

    MUSLIM-ONLY PUBLIC LOOS

  3. Complaints to the Press Complaints Commission are upheld.
  4. The paper is ordered to run the adjudication and a correction.
  5. Daily Star executives, fed up with being complained about, consider withdrawing their membership of the Press Complaints Commission.

—–

By the way, how good is this line from the BBC article:

Squat toilets are used in many parts of Asia and parts of Europe.

They are not often seen in the UK – which has a strong heritage of pioneering lavatorial invention.

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A word for Friday

LICKERAZZI (pronounced – lick-yer-arse-ee, noun.)

The word given to those fawning packs of commercial news media reporters and alleged” journalists” who descend upon any visiting celebrity of note like an over-eager clusterfuck of attention-seeking pissing puppies and proceed to breathlessly waddle in the wake of said celebrities, microphones thrust rudely aloft and ever at the ready, asking them things like, “Whaddya think of that over there, eh, EH!?! That’s a bush! That’s an AUSTRALIAN BUSH, DON’T YA JUST LOVE OUR BUSH?????!! Whaddya think of that, eh??” or “You’re just like an AUSSIE! You’re just like one of us! Don’t ya wanna be one of us????? Huh? Huh? HUH????! DONCHA WANNA BE AN HONORARY AUSSIE???!?1?”

I’d like to slap the whole fucking lot of them upside their fucking heads with a mallet.

As you were.

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More to gain than lose from new technology

As new technology enters our everyday lives, there is usually a predictable paranoia about how a government and other sinister forces could use technology to repress the citizens. In America there is currently a backlash against the new body scanners being used in airports by the TSA. Similar backlashes and concerns for privacy have occurred due to the growing use of CCTV in the United Kingdom and in many countries (including Australia) whenever the government considers introducing a universal identification card for its citizens. The paranoia is understandable, but although privacy and civil liberties should always be a concern, the technology that causes such concerns may have more advantages at freeing information and keeping governments honest and accountable.

Last week when the most direct fighting broke out between North Korean and South Korean troops since the ceasefire in 1953 it wasn’t hard to notice that the way we were seeing the fighting being reported was different than it had ever been before. Unlike previous skirmishes we were not limited to waiting until after a conflict had occurred and reading or hearing a summary the next day in the newspaper or on the 6pm news bulletin. A combination of fast internet and social media was telling us what was happening on the South Korean island of Yeonpyeong in real time. On twitter helpful volunteers translated Korean to English faster than any news service and gave anyone interested an almost instantaneous view of what was happening as it was happening.

This is effecting governments in how they control the flow of information. Going back even as recent as ten years ago a similar incident of cross border fighting would have been dissected through official military liaisons to the media, giving governments an upper hand in how these incidents are reported. But now with the almost complete democratisation of information thanks to technology, the government can still try and influence how events are reported, but they are only one voice among many. The South Korean defence minister experienced this first hand, as pressure and criticism from the delay in returning fire on North Korean forces and the decision not to call in an air strike, he was forced to resign from his position a mere two days after the incident. Although social media didn’t cost Kim Tae-young his job, it did greatly increase the speed and wealth of information getting out that led to his resignation. This is a far cry from the time when the United States led a bombing campaign against Cambodia a secret from its citizens as recently as 1969. Keeping such a thing a secret is almost impossibility today in our hyper-connected world, and this leads to faster and more accurate criticism from an informed populace.

North Korea is one of the most repressive countries on the planet. Almost everything its citizens know about the outside world comes from official government sources. Its government goes to great lengths to keep any news coming from outside well beyond the reach of its citizens, less it undermine the official government line that North Korea is an idealised paradise that is the envy of the world, or that Kim Jong Il is some sort of demigod who scored 11 holes in 1 on his first game of golf, and that he doesn’t urinate or defecate.

The government issues radios that are hard tuned to government broadcasts and conducts random checks on its citizens to ensure that tech savvy individuals haven’t figured out how to tune into South Korean radio. There is no internet access for the average North Korean and due to the technological backwardness of the country the government has done an effective job in making sure that its citizens are largely ignorant of the outside world.

Slowly however, even in Stalinist North Korea this is changing, but not due to any position of its government but controlling the flow of information is becoming impossibility due to today’s technology. North Koreans who have escaped to South Korea in recent years have told that smuggled video cassettes, DVD’s, USB sticks and mp3 players have become more common in recent years. All of these pirated music, movies and other information may not seem important, but in a country where the only role of art is to glorify the state and the leader anything from outside can show North Koreans that the outside world is happier, healthier and richer than them. It can help break the illusion that the government tries to maintain.

A hacked North Korean radio that can pick up outside broadcasts may be too hard to hide for a North Korean citizen that is terrified of its government. A smuggled USB stick however could contain the complete works of Shakespeare, the deceleration of independence and thousands of other key texts and all in one small form that can easily be hidden from government authorities. In another 10 or 20 years technological change in how we pass on information could have improved in ways that we can’t currently imagine. Whilst I don’t think usb sticks and laptops alone can bring down the North Korean government, it may make it much harder for the government to be as repressive as it is with a more informed populace thanks to modern technology.

Wouldn’t it be an amazing thing if five years from now cheap and superfast and dirt cheap handheld computers the size of an iPhone smuggled from China are easily found in the North Korean black market, and with this they could get a clearer view of the outside world and the true horrors of their oppressive regime? With this device there would be enough space to store virtual libraries, newspaper archives (as well as pirated movies and music) as well as pick up South Korean radio and television broadcasts. Wishful thinking maybe, but thanks to technology and globalisation it isn’t science fiction and it could change the lives of the North Korean people and be a catalyst of change in the direction of the country.

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For your consideration …

If anyone is requiring an analysis or explanation for the seemingly baffling rise in popularity of the irritatingly omnipresent policy vacuum that is helium-voiced presidential hopeful, the ever chipper Sarah Palin, Groupthink would like to submit the following for your kind consideration …

In 1994, the film “Forrest Gump”, a stinking suckhole of simple-minded, stickily sickly, sentimental celluloid bullshit celebrating the very fortunate adventures of a very fortunate moron on his slack-jawed path to celebrity, where ignorance is bliss and stupidity redemptive and a film in which the whole of life was simply a choice between the fucking toffee or the fucking cherry marzipan, won the Academy Award for Best Picture, Director, Actor, Special Visual Effects and Editing.

It was nominated for Best Support Actor, Art Direction, Cinematography, Special Sound Effects, Makeup, Music, and Sound.

Now do you get the picture?

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Whistle while you work

Consider the following post from Andrew Bolt’s blog. It comprises a 118 word quote from a Yahoo news story, and nothing else …

Comments are not being accepted.

The post is entitled “No comment”.

Which seems to indicate that even Mr. Bolt is reluctant to “comment” upon the very item he himself has posted. And so, we may be rightly justified in asking ourselves, “Why is it so? For what purpose has this been posted by Mr. Bolt?” …

“A pure hand needs no glove to cover it” – Nathanial Hawthorne

Indeed.

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Sublime and the ridiculous

Nothing else need be said.

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