Archive for June, 2010

Look who’s crying

So much sorrow from the Opposition benches about the “knifing” of Kevin Rudd. Joe Hockey seems to have taken it particularly bad, with his sombre questions in yesterday’s question time to Prime Minister Gillard, and her deputy Wayne Swan about their role in the brutality.

He even tweeted his sadness:

JoeHockey Quiet because I am still stunned at brutal KR fall. JG &WS have alot to fess up to all Aussies.

Joe and his Coalition colleagues, including Tony Abbott and Barnaby Joyce who have also expressed their sadness and dismay at Rudd’s treatment at the hands of his own Party, would be sad to read the following edited extract from Wikipedia:

He proved to be a surprisingly poor media performer and public speaker, and was portrayed by the media as a foolish and incompetent administrator. He was unlucky to come up against a new and formidable Opposition Leader.

He generated great resentment within his party, and his opponents became increasingly critical of his reliance on an inner circle of advisers.

With his Party falling further behind in the polls, a challenge was launched … he called a Party meeting to settle the matter and took it upon himself to say “Well, that is not a vote of confidence, so the party will have to elect a new leader”.

Just don’t tell them it’s actually about former Liberal Prime Minister John Gorton, who was dumped by his own Party in 1971, mid way through his first elected term as Prime Minister.

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I, for one, welcome our new ranga overlord

julie-bishop-2

Given that the Prime Minister has confirmed today that the same ministers will be conducting the same negotiations with the mining industry, for the same $12 billion outcome as before today’s unprecedented political assassination of the former prime minister, what policy change has occurred? Or is the change, what many suspect a new face but still same old Labor, same old tax?

3849135I thank the same old Deputy Leader of the Opposition for her question…

And wish her well as she serves her third leader.

BUUURRRN!

PWNED

Julie Bishop: PWNED

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Friday’s Lovechild #8

Even if I didn’t think this week’s Lovechild was up to my usual exacting standards, I’d have published it anyway — just so I had an excuse to quote Annabel Crabb’s wonderful description of this bloke as “Labor’s Obi-Wan Kenobi of the Left”.

Ladies and gentlemen, Australian Defence Minister John Faulkner:

John Howard + Mark Latham = John Faulkner

Meanwhile, of the few World Cup challenges issued during the week, how could I resist a man who gives Ernesto Guevara a run for his money as the greatest Argentinian leftist of all time — Diego Maradona:

Captain Lou Albano + Maria Schneider = Diego Maradona

Still taking requests, GroupThinkers.

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Yeah, so, anyway …

… me and Julia go way back. Way back to the pre-beard era.

The faces of union thugs have been blurred to protect their identities

The faces of union thugs have been blurred to protect their identities

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Warning not heeded

In the wake of Kevin Rudd’s shock dethroning by former deputy Julia Gillard, analysts and commentators have been quick to blame Rudd’s communication style, ALP factions, Rudd’s consultative style, unions, Rudd’s language choices, the media, Rudd’s tie choices, the mining tax, and Rudd’s mannerisms.

But all those analysts and commentators are wrong. Plain wrong.

Instead, it’s only the brave economic and social warriors at the Citizens Electoral Council who have successfully cut through the spin and bullshit and have highlighted the real reason behind Rudd’s downfall in their latest press release (not online): a planet-wide mass-strike.

Rudd falls in global mass-strike; who’s next?

One year after Kevin Rudd’s infamous outburst, “I regard Mr LaRouche as right off the planet”, he’s fallen victim to the planet-wide mass-strike that only LaRouche saw coming.

On 30th June, 2009, Rudd had reacted to CEC Queensland Secretary Jan Pukallus asking him why he didn’t heed LaRouche’s advice on the global economic crisis that his government falsely claimed nobody saw coming.

[...]

That outrage was identified by Lyndon LaRouche in his 1st August international webcast, as a global mass-strike. It has sparked an extraordinary wave of mass protest inside the U.S. against Barack Obama’s bailout of Wall Street and his gutting of healthcare, a wave that has claimed many sitting U.S. politicians and threatens to oust Obama himself.

On the unfolding dynamic of the mass-strike, Lyndon LaRouche commented yesterday, “most people do believe in the idea that history is shaped by events. And on the contrary, history shapes events. That’s the way it works, and you see this in the process of the mass-strike … .”

Oh, well. Too late for Rudd. Hopefully Gillard will heed these dire warnings of … well, whatever it is those freaks are warning us of.

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They got the wrong guy

Groupthink can reveal this morning that police have arrested the wrong man in connection to the Gunman in Melbourne two days ago.

Well dressed hipster being led away by police

Well dressed hipster being led away by police

How do we know?
There is absolutely no way that that man, with his stylish bed-head, unbuttoned shirt and well fitting jacked could possibly be this guy:

[police] said he was wearing a dark jacket with a red or orange T-shirt and silver trackpants.

Police, you’re welcome.

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Teh internets!

Does Alastair MacGibbon work for an Anti-Virus company, own-shares in an Anti-Virus company, or is he just an idiot?

A prominent cyber-security consultant, Alastair MacGibbon, who is a former director of the AFP’s Australian High Tech Crime Centre and eBay’s former security chief, has called for the proposal to be taken a step further by forcing ISPs to monitor the security of users’ machines and block them from connecting if their browsers, security and operating system software are not up to standard.

Really? REALLY!?

He wants to block people from accessing the internet if they don’t pay ridiculous subscription fees for crippling anti-virus programs. MacGibbon must think we are all chumps.

There is software available, which could be on end-user machines, that would allow my ISP, as I log in, to check that I have my firewall turned on, that I have an antivirus that [it] approves or recommends installed on my computer, and that my operating system and browser are patched. And if those things aren’t met, then [my ISP would not] give me [access]

Only allow me on the Internet if I have an Anti-Virus that my ISP approves? I think Anti-Virus companies would like that alot.

But doesn’t that open up some more problems, like what if my ISP could approve, say, Norton but not Trend Micro because Norton paid the ISP huge kickbacks? And don’t think it’s something that anti-virus companies wouldn’t do.

Alastair MacGibbon, you just made the list.

The List

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Compare the pair

Let’s compare how the two newspapers spin MTR’s (a.k.a Outrage Radio For The Over 60′s) continued failure to crack the Melbourne radio market:

The Age:

Radio host defends ratings flop

Melbourne’s newest radio station, MTR 1377, has failed to make an impact, attracting an average audience of just 10,000 people and a market share of 1.7 per cent in this morning’s ratings report.

News.com.au (article removed):

Battle for listeners hots up in lucrative Melbourne talkback market?

I would quote part of the article, but unfortunately it has since been deleted. Rest assured though, they were very positive that a 1.7% share was a stunning success.

If MTR wishes to pick up the ratings may we suggest:

  1. More live updates from the Police media unit.
  2. Saucy Sam Newman on women’s issues – nightly after 10.
  3. A mix of the hits from the 30′s, 40′s and today (the 1950′s).
  4. A Black Thunders style enterprise that cruises the streets handing out boxes of expired tacos.
  5. Every fifth caller wins a set of drinks coasters featuring the face of Steve Price.
  6. More of Ann from North Balwyn. Kaz Cooke was right.
  7. A quiz show hosted by Ian Plimer – everything you knew about science is wrong!
  8. Increase outrage by 43.5%
  9. A woman.

Leave more suggestions in the comments.

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The real debate

In response to last night’s exclusive leaders debate, and due to the suggestions of a few members of the Groupthink community, I am proud to announce that on Tuesday of next week Groupthink will be hosting the first ever “25-35, unmarried and childless leaders debate”.

Leaders of both political parties along with representatives of the minor parties have been secured for the debate* that will be held at an inner-city venue TBA.

The debate will be broadcast via an internet webcast which will be available for screening in pubs and coffee shops across the latte belt (registration details can be found here).

This exciting new format for political debate will allow viewers in the latte belt to submit questions to the leaders in real time via their iPads.

Unfortunately the web feed will not be available to the general public as the leaders will be specifically addressing the 25-35 unmarried hipster voting demographic and the webcast will only be available to approved and registered venues upon payment of a small fee.

The debate is already drawing much interest from childless 30-somethings, who hope many of the big issues facing the modern hipster will be discussed:

The thirty-something hipster vote is a powerful force. We care about the real issues – bad coffee, the limited numbers of hip brunch venues, the death of the inner suburban hipster pub, over-regulation of fixed gear bikes, and the shrinking supply of vintage clothes.

Undecided voters are already signalling that their vote may be decided by next week’s debate, said Harper of Northcote:

I’m so hungover, I’d vote for anyone.

Leaders of the hipster community could not be reached for comment this morning; incoming reports suggest this was due iOS4 being released last night. Reuters reported:

It is unclear whether their iPhone batteries have been drained flat, or if the hipsters are simply too tired to wake up after a sleepless night of furious masturbation.

Neither leader would comment before the debate, but members of both parties are claiming underdog status.

*This part of the post (along with most of it) is entirely fictitious.

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Not for your eyes

Tonight, the leaders of Australia’s two main political parties will square off in a nationally broadcast debate that will discuss issues likely to dominate political debate in the lead up to this year’s federal election.Screen shot 2010-06-14 at 3.01.38 PM

Sounds like something you’d like to watch?

Tough titties.

Unfortunately, Mr Rudd and Mr Abbott will be specifically addressing the Christian voter and only churches and Christian organisations will be able to register for the webcast.

Because you see, the debate has been organised by the ever vigilant guardians of decency and morality at the Australian Christian Lobby, and they don’t want any of you fucking baby-killing, drug addicted poofs to see it. Get your own private leaders debate.

The event is being held in Canberra and being broadcast via a Webcast to church groups and Christian organisations only. And fair enough, I think Christians should get their own private leaders debate. I’m sure the same courtesy will be extended to Muslim, Jewish, Hindu and Buddhist Australians when the time comes…

It’s not like they will be talking about things that are going to affect all Australians or anything. I’m sure they will only be talking about personal religious issues, right?

Parliament’s highest profile Christians will be quizzed on everything from asylum seekers to abortion, pornography and the sexualisation of children.

Their commitment to the national schools chaplaincy program will also be questioned, with funding for the initiative due to wind up at the end of next year.

Oh, God Damn It!

I’m sure they will talk about the other Christian issues mentioned on the ACL website too too, like gay marriage, video game classification, paid parental leave and internet filtering. All exclusively Christian issues; the rest of Australia has no place involving themselves in these issues which clearly only concern Christians.

However, if you godless heathens do feel like listening in on the debate, the ACL has been kind enough to list the churches that will be streaming the webcast here. Maybe you can even repent your sins while you are there.

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