Archive for May, 2010

What interview were you watching?

This is how Tony Abbott’s supporters think last night 7.30 Report interview with Kerry O’Brien went.

KERRY O’BRIEN: But what you haven’t explained is how you can make one promise in one month and then completely change it the next. What happened in that month where you had this sudden explosion of vision?

TONY ABBOTT: That’s an excellent question Kerry, and who am I to answer that? I shall let the good people of Australia form their own judgement about my character and if they …

KERRY O’BRIEN: No, but I’d like you to explain it. Tony Abbott feels with conviction we will not have a new tax in any way, shape or form, we won’t have a new tax; a month later, you do.

TONY ABBOTT: Well, again Kerry, I know politicians are going to be judged on everything they say, but sometimes, in the heat of discussion, you say things that, with the benefit of hindsight, you probably should not have said or you admit was probably a bad idea. I admit I have done that, but I believe that in politics it takes a lot of intestinal fortitude to be able to admit your faults and then take the correct course of action to move forward. If being humbly able to admit one’s mistakes is a crime Kerry than I am guilty as charged.

KERRY O’BRIEN: So every time you make a statement, we have to ask you whether it’s carefully prepared and scripted or whether it’s just something on the fly? No, seriously; this is a very serious question.

TONY ABBOTT: No, not at all. It’s not like I would deliberately tell a mistruth. But all of us, Kerry, all of us when we’re in the heat of verbal combat, so to speak, will sometimes say things that go a little bit further. I admit I made such an error when discussing the fee on business to fund paternal leave. However in hindsight I admit to being too hasty in making that decision and I humbly accept I was wrong.

 KERRY O’BRIEN: Mr Abbott, we’re not all leaders of major political parties who are either Prime Minister or aspiring to be.

TONY ABBOTT: True, true, true. And for those us who are it is very important to ensure that you hold yourself accountable for all of your words and actions. I am glad you have given me the opportunity tonight to do that. 

 

This is how the rest of us saw Tony Abbott on the 7.30 Report.

KERRY O’BRIEN: But what you haven’t explained is how you can make one promise in one month and then completely change it the next. What happened in that month where you had this sudden explosion of vision?

TONY ABBOTT: Well, em, em, em, em, em again, er Kerry, people will make their own arrr, em judgments about me and if they … em ar blah…

KERRY O’BRIEN: No, but I’d like you to explain it. Tony Abbott feels with conviction we will not have a new tax in any way, shape or form, we won’t have a new tax; a month later, you do.

TONY ABBOTT: Well, em again em Kerry, I know politicians are gonna be judged on everything they say, but em sometimes, in the heat of discussion, you em go a little bit further than you would if it was an absolutely calm, considered, prepared, scripted remark, which – fuck me dead where am I going with this? – is em one of the reasons why the statements that need to be taken absolutely as gospel truth is those carefully prepared scripted remarks. Oh fuck an alter boy, did I just say that out loud?

KERRY O’BRIEN: So every time you make a statement, we have to ask you whether it’s carefully prepared and scripted or whether it’s just something on the fly? No, seriously; this is a very serious question.

TONY ABBOTT: LOL Kerry. But all of us, em Kerry you cunt, all of us when we’re in the heat of verbal combat, so to speak, will sometimes say things that are complete and utter fucking bullshit. There I fuckin’ said it bitch. Happy?

KERRY O’BRIEN: Mr Abbott, we’re not all leaders of major political parties who are either Prime Minister or aspiring to be.

TONY ABBOTT: True, true, true. FUCK SHIT FUCK!

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The John Howard Institute

Following today’s announcement of the impending establishment of The John Howard Institute, a new right-wing think tank, Groupthink has been fortunate enough to obtain this exclusive sneak preview of the institute’s premises and a few of its key members …

The John Howard Institute

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One Nation radio

Last night I had cause to drive around Sydney for a couple of hours in a car generously borrowed to me by a close friend. As I flew through the streets I searched through the AM radio band for something to listen to. Landing on one particular frequency, I was assaulted by the voice of ex-One Nation supremo David Oldfield who is now apparently doing an evening show for 2UE. I decided to listen for a while and, solid gold as it was, I’d like to paraphrase for you what I heard. Here was his first segment:

I don’t want to patronise anyone, but earlier today I asked my wife what air was made up of. My wife is a university-educated woman but she couldn’t tell me the gasses that were in air. I reckon she’s like most people who don’t really know that sort of thing. Anyway, air is made up of — and excuse me for rounding the percentages here — about 80% nitrogen and 20% oxygen. The nitrogen is a useless, filler gas, and oxygen is the stuff we need. There are also a bunch of trace gasses like argon. There’s also carbon dioxide, which is the gas we’re told is responsible for global warming, and it’s found in air in about the concentration of a tiny fraction of a percent. That’s air.

Now, when we breath in we take in a lungful of air — 80% nitrogen, 20% oxygen, and a range of trace gasses including carbon dioxide — and our bodies use about a quarter of the oxygen. When we breath out can you guess how much carbon dioxide is in our breath? Remember, only a fraction of a percent of this global warming gas went it. Well, we breath out 4% carbon dioxide. That’s right, our bodies actually produce carbon dioxide which we’re told causes global warming. There are seven billion of us on the planet, each of us breathing ever five seconds, or three seconds for children, and each time we breath we produce carbon dioxide.

And you know what? I’ve never heard a single scientist talk about this.

Flushed with pride after pwning the world’s entire scientific community, Oldfield took a call:

Caller: I just think that if they come here they shouldn’t try to make it like it was at home.

Oldfield: Yeah, well you’d think that if things were so bad at home, and things are so much better here — which is why 99.999999% of them apply to come here in the first place — then they wouldn’t want to change this place once they got here.

Caller: Yep. This is not a Muslim country and they should stop trying to make it one.

Oldfield: Well, I don’t think that it’s so much Muslim culture as it is Middle East culture, and people shouldn’t come over here and try to build Middle East culture in the place of Australian culture.

Then Oldfield brought a news story to the attention of his listeners:

Four men have been charged over a credit card skimming scam. Three of them, it turns out, are boat arrivals who are now either citizens or have permanent residency. The government says that its vetting procedures are sound but obviously they’re not.

I just can’t believe this because what we have here is a case of three people accepting Australia’s compassion and then turning around and biting the hand that feeds them.

And finally, Pauline Hanson’s ex-colleague took a call and jumped on the dump button.

Oldfield: We have [caller] on the line. Hello, [caller].

[Caller] (with thick accent): Hello, David. I just wanted to talk about the Jews killing the Muslims.

Oldfield: Um, well, we won’t be allowing that call. We can’t broadcast racism. Racism is when you make sweeping perjorative statements about one group of people instead of restricting those statements to only those individuals for whom those statements might apply.

Got that?

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Friday’s Lovechild #2

Up this week is the one and only Captain of the Seven Cs*, Prodos:

Cher + Pete Postlethwaite = Prodos

* Capitalism, colonialism, commercialism, comparative advantage, conservatism, consumerism, corporatism

Also, as promised, the commenter’s challenge. Only one GroupThinker, Invig, made a suggestion … so Bob Ellis it is:

Dawn Fraser + A Bloodhound = Bob Ellis

Get suggesting.

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Now this is a meltdown

Last night’s terse conversation between Prime Minister Kevin Rudd and 7.30 Report host Kerry O’Brien had many pundits conclude that the pressure is getting to the PM and what we saw was a meltdown comparible with that of former Labor leader Mark Latham.

To quote Lindsay Tanner, “if that was a meltdown you should see my three-year-old daughter”.

What we saw was not the real meltdown but a carefully edited version of a tirade by the PM which went to air. In a Groupthink Exclusive, we have obtained a transcript of the unedited exchange between Mr Rudd and Kerry O’Brien on ETS reversal, which makes for interesting reading.

You decide if indeed the Prime Minister has had a meltdown (contains course language).

KERRY O’BRIEN: I said brand Rudd, you said the Government. I’m talking about Kevin Rudd, I’m talking about your image, your credibility, your brand.

Whether some of those that appear to have been lost to you this year come back before the next election, or not, do you understand why so many people have turned against you now, Kevin Rudd, not just the Government, Kevin Rudd, and do you accept that they have judged your leadership and found you wanting?

KEVIN RUDD: Kerry, that is a question which, um, you should, um, put to other folk, political commentators like that pisshead Milne and the rest. My job is to get on with the business of …

KERRY O’BRIEN: No, I’m putting it to you…

KEVIN RUDD: …no, no…fuck off!

KERRY O’BRIEN: …because you can’t possibly suggest that this does not exercise your mind at all, that you are so focused, you’re so focused on Government that you’re not concerned about whether you’re losing support going into the next election?

KEVIN RUDD: I’d expect that sort of fuckin shit from a ranga! Kerry, look I’m human like anyone else and of course you’d, um. be, um, um, if you weren’t affected by developments from time to time, that’s just the truth of it.  This business sucks shit at the best of time and the Australian public are a bunch of ungrateful cunts …

Read the rest of this entry »

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Idiots

There I was, innocently standing at the station waiting for my train, wearing my op-shop jeans, well worn band shirt and jacket, listening to my iPod and trying very hard to look like I was not trying very hard, playing to that imaginary audience that always exists in your head when you’re as self absorbed as I, when in my peripheral vision I saw a young girl walk along the platform. She was quite attractive (tap, four stars) and so I broke out of the cooler-than-thou character I was trying so hard to convey and subtly (I thought) checked her out. Upon closer inspection, it turned out that she was there with a boy who (one can only assume) was (and I also assume still is) her boyfriend.

He saw me checking her out; she did not.

He instantly started groping the girl like a randy rottweiler having a crack at her leg (she was a little bit more receptive than yesterday’s girl, I will admit.)

The insecurity of people like this makes me laugh. What are they so afraid of? Are they really scared that another guy will be able to pick up their girlfriend at a train station while they’re with her? Do these guys really think they need to metaphorically cock their leg and metaphorically piss all over her?

I hope she metaphorically chops his metaphorical cock off.

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Still not quite the other guy

So, Rudd is struggling in the polls? This is hardly surprising considering he was elected on a platform of not being the other guy. We didn’t really know what he stood for then, we don’t really know what he stands for now. Once the Coalition got their shit together, they were always going to gain ground.

We know he stands for action on climate change … kinda. Only enough so as to not piss anyone off. We know he stands for a more humane asylum seeker policy. Sorta. As long as that more humane policy doesn’t appear to be ‘weak’ on ‘border protection’. (How the right keep framing the debates so well will never cease to amaze me.)

And in being so careful not to step on anyone’s toes he has alienated everyone. And for what? The people he tries so hard not to offend were likely never to support him anyway. Instead he comes across as gutless, do nothing, and direction-less.

We know he hasn’t had the easiest Senate to deal with. Working with the Coalition would seem a lot easier than trying to get Family First and The Greens to agree to agree with each other, let alone the ALP. But it’s weak. It waters down their policy and closes the gap between the ALP and The Coalition even further, when there really wasn’t a lot of margin there to play with. Rudd has acted in government like he acted in a campaign. He has had three years to govern and he doesn’t really seem like he has done much of it.

The ALP loses credibility when discussing the issues and looks weak when discussing the process.

That said, I hope Labor gets a second term and an easier Senate to negotiate. The Greens holding the balance of power in their own right would bring the debate back towards the left, and I don’t think that’s at all a bad thing for the country or for the government.

With more certainty in the Senate, perhaps Rudd won’t fold so easily. A stronger ETS policy, more ‘revolution’ in their education and health policy, a genuinely humane approach to asylum seekers and real action on closing the gap with indigenous Australians.

If Rudd wants to win this election, he now has an uphill battle to fight. He needs to sell a vision, he needs to stop playing so ‘safe’ and sell a vision of Australia. Stop being so process driven, and chase after the policy and sell it to Australia. Of course, this assumes he has a vision that he’s struggling to sell. Which I am not totally convinced he has.

But if you’re running out of reasons why he deserves another chance and a second term, remember: he’s not the other guy. Worked for him last time.

But just quietly, I’m kinda hoping Julia books her ticket to Mars.

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EXCLUSIVE: Family First political ad campaign launched

Groupthink can today exclusively reveal the first advertisement in Steve Fielding’s 2010 election campaign. The VHS video cassette containing this ad was found in a bar wrapped in an iPhone 3G leather case.

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Friday’s Lovechild #1

Welcome to the first installment of GroupThink’s newest, most exciting — and, as it happens, only — regular weekly feature, in which we dispense with the laws of biology, genetics and all that other lefty-elitist flimflam and reverse-engineer a famous face to show, by means of a simple pictorial equation, how it really came to look the way it did.

First cab off the rank — Senator for South Australia and Minister for Climate Change and Water, the Hon Penny Wong:

K.D. Lang + Bruce Lee = Penny Wong

As a bonus, each Friday, in addition to putting up a new Lovechild, we’ll also post our attempt at unravelling the most challenging/interesting of the week’s suggestions as suggested by you, Teh Suggestive Commenter.

So, get suggesting.

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Democracy in Action: An MTR Analysis

These days with the advent of the World Wide Websites good analysis and access to World Wide events is harder to find. I used to prefer page 3 of The Sun but now you have to hunt far and wide until 2 weeks ago when the birth of  the MTR1377 am frequency radio station blew the doors of access to the World Wide open.

Tonight I was listening to a bloke by the name of Ross Greenwood and he gave a most excellent analysis of the up and coming election in Britain. I feel it is my duty as a topical debater to pass this information on:

  • Labour could win.
  • Or the Tories could win.
  • It could be a hung parliament and Nick Clegg could form a majority government with Labour.
  • It could be a hung parliament and Nick Clegg could form a majority government with the Tories.

I think that after all the votes are counted, we could see or not see a different person in 10 Downing st.

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