There I was, innocently standing at the station waiting for my train, wearing my op-shop jeans, well worn band shirt and jacket, listening to my iPod and trying very hard to look like I was not trying very hard, playing to that imaginary audience that always exists in your head when you’re as self absorbed as I, when in my peripheral vision I saw a young girl walk along the platform. She was quite attractive (tap, four stars) and so I broke out of the cooler-than-thou character I was trying so hard to convey and subtly (I thought) checked her out. Upon closer inspection, it turned out that she was there with a boy who (one can only assume) was (and I also assume still is) her boyfriend.

He saw me checking her out; she did not.

He instantly started groping the girl like a randy rottweiler having a crack at her leg (she was a little bit more receptive than yesterday’s girl, I will admit.)

The insecurity of people like this makes me laugh. What are they so afraid of? Are they really scared that another guy will be able to pick up their girlfriend at a train station while they’re with her? Do these guys really think they need to metaphorically cock their leg and metaphorically piss all over her?

I hope she metaphorically chops his metaphorical cock off.