When I was 14 years old I could read, write, count way past 10 without using my fingers, wipe my own arse, dress myself, bathe myself and conduct a conversation quite often using words of more than 2 or 3 syllables.

Isn’t that remarkable?

I must’ve been gifted.

Henry Robinson is (allegedly) 14 years old. Henry had a Heckler column published in the Sydney Morning Herald today venting his bewilderment at the popularity of Justin Bieber (Henry’s not alone there), and in that column he used some VERY BIG words.

Many of the comments appended to the column express doubt that any 14 year old could possibly compose such a brief essay using such language because as we all know, the human brain is not fully developed until a person is 24 or 25 years old, and anyone under that age is simply a raving fuckwit.

Take 16 year old Jessica Watson, for example. Here she is, tootling about the bloody oceans of the world on a boat all by herself, completely buggering up her life, when, given that 16 is the new 6 in this angst ridden age of perpetual moral panic and hysterical obsession over the tender minds of this generation’s bubble-wrapped babes, she really ought to be at home playing with Barbie dolls and diligently working her way through the complete series of Dora the Explorer on DVD instead.

Now, Steve Fielding’s over 25 years old and dumber than a box of fucking hair, so I think this whole theory about young teens being a little dense and underdeveloped and incapable of formulating a rational thought is as hoary an old lump of bollocks as there ever was.

So, in response to this rubbish that’s forever being flung about, constantly attempting to perpetuate the myth that the young folk of today are all, without exception, as inarticulate and thick as Corey whatshisfuckingname???theonewiththeyellowsunglasses???, my 51 year old self has only 7 words to say …

Just fuck off, you silly old cunts.