Once upon a time, God made a man and named him Adam and He looked down and saw that Adam was a fine piece of work so He took a day off and went to the pub for a bit.

When God came back to work on Monday, He had a squizz at how Adam was getting on and He realised that Adam was a bit out of sorts, so He thought, “I will make Adam a friend”.

So He gave Adam some pills to put him to sleep and then He ripped out one of Adam’s ribs and made a woman out of it, which is a really neat trick when you think on it.

I tried to make a woman out of a rib once and all I wound up with was Calista Flockhart.

Anyway, when Adam woke up, He looked at this woman God had made whose name was Eve and Adam got a stiffy. Adam stuck his stiffy into Eve’s front hole and wiggled it about some and that felt really good and Eve thought it felt really good too and made some moaning sounds, but God got pissed about that and yelled out to Eve, “Oi you, ya dumb bint, you’re not supposed to enjoy this y’know, you’re a fucking rib, just lay there and shut the fuck up”.

So that’s what she learnt to do, just shut the fuck up and let Adam poke her in whatever hole he wanted to and whenever he wanted to, a dozen times a day if he felt like it, and that was a fine and dandy tradition simply because it was the natural order of things as God had intended it.

You see, if you’re a woman, that means you’re a bloke’s rib, so you belong to the bloke you came from, understand?

And if a bloke wants to spray his jism up your pink bit and give you a baby, that’s his natural right because you belong to him and you should do what you’re fucking told and give him a baby because that’s the way God figured it should be.

But about 50 years ago, a bunch of mad scientists got together and, because they all hated babies, they thought it’d be a hoot if they could figure out a way to brainwash women into hating babies too, and that’s because scientists hate God and they hate the natural order of things.

That’s because science is so gay. And gay is really bad, because gay jism goes into the wrong hole and just sort of sits there and dribbles back out in a manky puddle on the floor and makes the carpet go all crusty instead of making a baby which is what jism is supposed to do.

Anyway, the mad scientists started putting fluoride into the drinking water which changes the chemical balance in women’s brains because women are weaker in the head than blokes are and easily susceptible to thought and mind control. And once all the women were under their control and the women had convinced themselves they hated babies too, the mad scientists gave them all a really evil pill which would kill the babies and they said to them, “Now you don’t have to have a baby if you don’t want to, no matter how many times a bloke shoots you full of jism”.

Now, because their brains were being remote-controlled by the mad scientists, the women thought this was a great idea and they all went out into the streets to celebrate and kick decent God fearing men in the testicles with steel-toed boots and bang them over the head with saucepans and then the crazy women took off their bras and burnt them and said, “Now we can fuck whoever we want and enjoy it without having to have a baby” and they wound up hanging around rock ‘n’ roll musicians and dancing and wearing skimpy clothes and causing earthquakes.

And if that wasn’t bad enough, back in 1973, the United States Supreme Court (which had been infiltrated by mad scientists by that time, mad scientists were everywhere like a plague, the cunts) decided that, if a woman got knocked up, it was a woman’s right to rip her baby from her womb and kill it and stomp on it and tear its head off and flush it down the toilet into the sewer where mutant albino alligators would eat the pieces.

That’s why society’s so fucked up today and why crazy people wearing towels on their heads fly planes into buildings.

It’s because all these women forgot they were just ribs and started thinking that the part was bigger than the whole, when it’s the whole that’s bigger than the part and the whole is the man and the part is the woman and the part is the property of the man it came from.

I MEAN, FOR FUCK’S SAKE, AM I THE ONLY PERSON WHO CAN SEE THAT?!!!!!? ISN’T IT BLINDINGLY BLOODY OBVIOUS?!!!!!?

Anyway, these murdering bitches spent years and years and years and years ripping their kids from their wombs and using the skin from the bodies to make shoes and the little wispy hairs to make change purses and the bones to make necklaces and they kept tearing the heads off the bodies and using the guts to string tennis racquets and they kept flushing the pieces into the sewers and the mutant albino alligators got so big they couldn’t fit in the sewers anymore so they all died of asphyxiation and the sewers got so blocked up everybody’s toilets overflowed which was what really caused the floods in New Orleans, it wasn’t Hurricane Katrina, that was just a really heavy breeze, it’s just that the US Federal Government lied to everyone because they thought panic would break out if people thought there were mutant albino alligators who ate babies in the plumbing.

Now when all this womb murdering evil shit started becoming the norm, some namby-pamby leftist baby killers invented this myth about “rape” when there’s really no such thing as rape and never has been, it’s just that a whole bunch of men are, out of the goodness of their hearts and in the name of righteous Christian charity, simply trying to help women fulfill their natural potential, their true worth, by having babies and finding their place back into the natural order of things as God intended it to be and back onto the path of salvation.

AND A-FUCKING-MEN FOR THAT, I SAY!

Because it’s about time that the true masters of this dominion reclaimed the day and reclaimed the night and reclaimed the right to rule over all those creatures who dwell upon this earth and assert their rightful place upon this earth just as God had intended.

So listen up, you murdering whores, because the tide is turning, the tide has turned, it turned today and it turned in that great state of Oklahoma in the United States when finally, good men, honest men, men of decency and compassion, men of humanity and humility before God finally stood up and said, “I’m a HUMAN BEING, Goddammit, my life has VALUE!” and they stood up, they got out of their chairs and they stood up and they yelled, “I’M AS MAD AS HELL, AND I’M NOT GOING TO TAKE THIS ANYMORE, THINGS HAVE GOT TO CHANGE!”

And change it did because men like Senator Todd Lamb and Senator Charles Palantine, righteous men like them looked into their hearts and into their souls and said “This has got to STOP! This has got to stop RIGHT NOW!” and if ever these men need a little help in their campaigns I’d be more than happy to go over there and volunteer to do whatever I thought I could do to help them in their noble cause!

So listen up, you fuckers, you screwheads, you whores, skunk pussies, buggers, queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick, venal, here are men who stood up, here are men just like me who stood up against the scum, the cunts, the dogs, the filth, here are MEN who STOOD UP!

You’re gonna be fucked, ladies, you’re gonna be fucked to buggery from here on in because that’s what you were put upon this earth for, that’s your purpose on this planet, to be fucked and to make babies, and I don’t care if it’s your daddy or your grandpa or your brothers or a whole goddamn baseball team that does the fucking, you’re gonna be fucked just like God intended and you’re gonna make with the babies, don’t make no difference to me how it starts, does to some, but it don’t make no difference to me, because suddenly, now, there is a change.

‘Cause it’s just like the good Senator Lamb said, “This is a statement for the sanctity of human life”, that statement they made today over there in Oklahoma, and those babies you would’ve killed, those babies you would have flushed down those sewers without so much as a second thought, those babies you would have otherwise ripped out as if they were nothing more than a wart or a mole, those babies are gonna “grow up to be police officers and arrest bad people” or discover a cure for cancer someday, can’t you see that?

Your cunts belong to us, bitches.

We’re taking back ownership of our ribs and they ain’t a damn thing you can do about it, you sluts.

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Have you ever seen what a 44 Magnum will do to a woman’s pussy? Now that you should see.