Captain Cook was a noble Englishman who discovered Australia in 1770, and a bit later another noble Englishman called Phillip put a colony here which was made of British people who were sent here because they had pinched some bread and stuff.

When Mr. Cook came here, there were boongs coons niggers Abo’s here who ate their babies and threw spears at him. Also, they ran around without any clothes on which is not right, that’s what pedo’s do.

So when the British people all got here, they killed the pedo boongs coons niggers blacks and told them to stop eating their babies, they should eat a pie instead.

After we became a country we went to some wars, and our greatest acheivment ever was fighting at Gallopy, where we would have won if it weren’t for a bunch of wogs who shot at us.

Then we went to another war, and we won that one because the wogs were dumber and we were smarter.

We didn’t do very well in Viettnam, but that was only because of the chinks.

Our great hereoes are Robert Menzies who was a Prime Minister ages ago, John Howard who was Prime Minister forever, Don Bradman who was very good at cricket, Kerry Packer gave us colour television and Rupert Murdoch who made “Avatar” which is fucking AWESOME X 1,000!!! thohgh my little brother got sick in the Hoyts from all the 3D and threw up over an old lady.

My Dad told me that our country is fucked buggered not going too well actually these days because of all the wogs and chinks we’ve let in. When all the lebo’s were raping Aussie women in Cronulla beach, my Dad went down there and told me that he punched a lebo in the face really hard and blood came out and the lebo ran away. We had pizza that night and Dad let me have a beer which was nice.

Dad told me that once we had a policy to keep all the wogs out, but some communists got rid of that and said we should hug queers and let women kill their babies which is against God who said queers should be put to death.

Anyway, the teacher told me I had to do at least one qwarto page for this essay and now I am at the end, so that’s all I can do about Australian history for now, also Mum is yelling at me to get my fucking arse out to the kitchen because dinner is ready.

On Tuesdays we get Chinese food from Lings, and Mum lets me have some wine from her cask which is nice (fruity lexia it is called).

I really like the mongrel lamb and spring rolls a lot, with the pink sauce.