I’ve been out of the country for about eight weeks and arrived back home a couple of days ago. Watching the television on Saturday night I was shocked to see footage on the news of Tony Abbott driving a tank in a chambre shirt and then doing a press conference in his serious voice. He even said the words, “When we’re in government, if the people choose us later in the year …”

I seem to remember that he became opposition leader just before I left but I thought it might’ve been a massive practical joke. Apparently not. I also seem to recall that Barnaby Joyce was appointed Shadow Finance Minister. Tell me it’s not true, Groupthinkers. What else did I miss?